Old Timers' Day in the Phillies Bullpen

Yesterday's Phillies-Marlins game was an excellent case study in exactly what is wrong with the Phillies bullpen. In their defense, Joseph Durbin Durbin couldn't even get an out against the Teal Bastards while spotting them seven runs, forcing the 'pen to cover a full eight innings. Four different relievers were used, but the difference between each pitcher was like night and day.

Clay Condrey and the returning Francisco Rosario pitching a combined 5 scoreless innings, but Jose Mesa turned the prospect of a tasty reliever ice cream sandwich into a rancid Reuben by giving up two runs in 2 IP. Not to be outdone, Antonio Alfonseca coughed up three more runs in his one inning of work, including a home run to budding Phillie Killer Cody Ross.

I'll reiterate my point by grading each reliever's performance with a reminder of how old each player is (supposedly)...

Condrey (32): Good
Mesa (41): Bad
Rosario (26): Surprisingly good
Alfonseca ("35"): Terrible

This is the sort of up-and-down incompetence you get from the typical Adam Eaton start, and it threatens to take the wind out of the recently high-flying Phils' sails. With all of the attention garnered by the Phillies' young offensive stars, it's easy to forget that there are some older dudes on this squad.

Who would have thought that aged pitchers who have bounced around to so many teams would be breaking down near the end of the season? Sure, you don't want a bunch of guys just learning the hopes to be thrown in the heat of a pennant race, but it's time to reconsider the heavy emphasis a lot of baseball people place on "veteran experience."

HOLY SHIT THAT WAS AWESOME

4 games swept from the New York Metropolitans.
3 amazing late-inning finishes.
2 games out of the division lead.
1 month left to go in another tense pennant race.

There were lots of heroes in this series from Ryan Howard to Jayson Werth. But it was particularly sweet seeing Jimmy Rollins set the pace for the Team to Beat, going 9 for 19 with 2 HR, 3 RBI, and a ludicrous 1.421 OPS. Honestly, I can't recall a recent season where Jimmy has been so underrated. Considering his world-class defense at a middle infield position and his cool, confident leadership, is it blasphemous to suggest that J-Roll might be just as deserving of MVP honors as Chase Utley?

Great picture (un-saveable) of Tad Iguchi at the official website. Bring on those Teal Bastards!

Uncle Cholly: Manager of the Year?

Kevin Hench of FOXSports.com brings us this delectable little nugget from his recent piece ranking the National League's Manager of the Year candidates:

The Phils had a chance to shave the Padres' wild card lead to two games Saturday night before Tom Gordon and Brett Myers combined to allow three home runs in the 8th and 9th in a crushing 4-3 loss. Myers had to be restrained from going after a reporter in the clubhouse after the game.

That was a pretty embarrassing incident for everyone involved in the organization, especially when the audio made its way onto the web. Definitely not good for the Phillies. Let's hope people don't judge them by the actions of one crazy closer who has had trouble controlling his emotions throughout his career.

So things are pretty much back to normal in Philly.

Kevin Hench, you asshole.

In April, it was Manuel who had to be held back from going after a media agitator. The team responded immediately to Manuel's fire, jumping back into contention over the next two months.

He's certainly succeeded in getting his players to lash out at sportswriters when asked about the correct spelling of the word "retard" and provide a list of excuses (injuries, opponents, the ballpark) when they can't get the job done. Charlie's been very exemplary in this regard.

But it's been hard to imagine the Phils making it to the finish line with their matchstick-and-bubblegum pitching staff. If they somehow win the wild card, Manuel deserves a ton of credit (and a free agent starter who isn't a complete disaster).

Yes. The way the Phillies are remaining in playoff contention has nothing to do with Ryan Howard rediscovering his power stroke, or Pat Burrell's resurgence, or Aaron Rowand's career year, or Jimmy Rollins' quiet consistency, or the blossoming of Cole Hamels, or the pants-down luck of finding pitchers in the farm system who are far superior to those disastrous free-agent starters.

The credit all belongs to Charlie, the man who overworked Myers during his transition, overplayed Howard during his slumps, quixotically supported Rod Barajas, batted Rowand in six different places, and always left pitchers in for one out too long.

It cannot be that the flawed Phils are again succeeding despite Manuel, carried on the back of a monster MVP candidate for the second straight year. That would be far too logical.

Lack of Meat Sapping Phillies' Strength

My worst fears have come to pass.

Citizens Bank Park has been given the "coveted title" of Most Vegetarian-Friendly Park in Major League Baseball by none other than the folks at PETA, who have not only cornered the market on misguided lobbying but also corny baseball metaphors. Indeed, ballpark food choices full of flavor, "cruelty-free," and low in cholesterol are truly a "triple play."

I'm really angry at PETA for continuing to presume it is a relevant and respected organization amongst the majority of sports fans. I am more agitated by the fact that CBP tops the list ahead of parks in cities where the fanbase is the complete anti-Philly--places like San Francisco and (ugh) Seattle. What hath Aramark wrought?

To wit, I'm filing a formal protest against this decision because the study is completely flawed. The PETA people clearly just looked at ballpark menus online instead of actually going to the parks, in which case they would have found that--except for the food--Philadelphia is probably one of the least vegetarian-friendly environments in the majors.

As Phillies fans, we have a collective hatred for anything hip or sanctimonious, we fear the exotic since "colorfulness" has caused us to crash and burn far too many times. I'd also be willing to bet that the veggie options are more expensive than the standard fare, anathema to the vast Phillies lumpenproletariat. Not to mention that you'd be laughed out of the stadium for ordering a "Philly mock-steak sandwich."

It's time PETA focused on the real animal-cruelty issues in MLB, namely the exploitation and enclosure of free-range managers.


Set Charlie free!

Philling In: Night of the Living Burrell

Ed's Note: Henceforth I shall abandon the bland "Phillies Notes" tag and, at long last, correctly recognize all my random, half-developed observations for the filler they are.

Pat Burrell is like a Nilla Wafer. He's never quite as good as you remember him or want him to be, but since the recipe remains consistent you're never really that upset.

I mention this because Jerry Crasnick has compiled some sort of "Back from the Dead" all-star team, and numero uno is none other than Pat the Bat. Besides establishing Pat in the same company as hot baseball commodities Jeff Weaver and Julio Lugo, Crasnick makes the same point that I try to make to a lot of Burrell-bashers: despite all the booing, he always comes back, yeoman-like, and puts up a vague approximation of the stats he's always had (save for 2003). Sure, he's losing steps and he's a streaky hitter, but he's streaky in a sabermetric-y way, usually finding his way out of the woods by the end of the season. Most guys regress to the mean, but the Big Vanilla--especially this year--usually finds himself ascending to the mean. If he doesn't finish the season in the neighborhood of .270/25/85, I will eat the sleeves off my Terrell Owens jersey.

Also notable is Crasnick's comment describing Burrell's chronic under-achievement:

Burrell had just failed to make an All-Star team for the eighth straight season

Total number of seasons Pat Burrell has played in the majors: 8
Total number of All-Star teams Burrell has failed to make: 8

I don't think you should be allowed to frame it as a statistical drought if it's never even occurred once. This shocks me, actually. Even Von Hayes, the patron saint of Phillies bloggers and in many ways a spiritual forefather to Burrell, made it to the Midsummer Classic at least once.

I know who I'm ironically stuffing the ballot box for next year.

- Looking at last night's box score, a single number jumped out and grabbed me by the throat--1. It represents the first (and maybe last) stolen base of Ryan Howard's career. I somehow missed the game even though it was on FSN here on the West Coast and have been searching YouTube in vain for video confirmation of this milestone. The Subway diet is clearly producing results.

- An addendum to yesterday's musings on injuries: according to this item, of the 25 players on the Phillies' Opening Day roster, only 9 of them have not spent time on the disabled list this year. Improbably, Aaron Rowand is one of the nine men out (of the trainer's room....da-da KISH!).

- Speaking of Rowand, the FSN Prime Ticket announcing team of Charley Steiner (who didn't sound like Charley Steiner at all) and Steve Lyons (whom I dislike) could not stop waxing poetic about the dude. You'd have thought he saved their cat from a tree or something. When Lyons broke the tension and used the timeworn cliché, "He's the kind of guy who gets his uniform dirty, the kind of guy that comes to play every day," it really made me think.

If Rowand comes to play every day and gets dirty, then he must be the Phillies' MVP. Compared to everyone else, he's the most deserving of praise and is singlehandedly keeping the team afloat. Think about it.

Jimmy Rollins shows up every day but is a very well-groomed fellow, so he can't be worth as much. Cole Hamels only comes to play every five days. Brett Myers will come to play every day, but only if the Phils have a slim lead. And that charlatan, Abraham Nunez, comes to play every few days and only then for the last couple innings. What a jerk.

Almost makes me pine for Wheels and Sarge.

The Yin and Yang of the Phillies DL

Yang is the bright element, active, upward-seeking. It is the light. It is Chase Utley swinging a bat, ready to rehab in the minors, and back in a week's time.

Yin is the dark element, passive, downward-seeking. It is the dark. It is Cole Hamels suffering from a "strained elbow" and missing at least one start, with rumors that it could take him down for much longer than that.

But in yang there is also yin. We only hope Utley is ready to come back so soon, barely a month removed from breaking his hand. And what of Tad Iguchi, the .326 hitter with no other natural position but second base? The crowding of Tad, Dobbs, Helms, and Nunez all at third is terrible feng shui.

And in yin there is also yang. The absence of Hamels allows You Know Who to continue doing what he does best while the injury rollercoaster climbs to another peak with Shane Victorino almost ready to come back.

The lesson we learn from this season is that no earthly thing has one true nature. We must meet it with unwavering serenity and blithely explain it all away as the in the example of Krishna Charlie:

"It's been a very freak season," Manuel said.

Peace be with you, students.

Matt Kata Gets His Revenge

Perhaps he overheard me making fun of Ed Wade for acquiring him in 2005 or something, but it looks like Pirates utilityman and former Phillie Matt Kata definitely ate his Wheaties this weekend.

Kata only had two pinch-hitting appearances in the Pirates' 2-1 series victory, and he damn sure made them count: a solo homer on Friday and a three-run double in that horrendous 7-run seventh inning yesterday that featured the relief stylings of Romero and Alfonseca.

This from a guy that's had a total of 138 AB in the past three seasons. It's like Scott Thorman times ten.

Going 3-3 against two franchises--Pittsburgh and Washington--that are going absolutely nowhere (I kind of feel sorry for the Pirates because it's like they are trying to walk the wrong way on the airport's moving sidewalk, the Gnats are simply irrelevant) isn't the best way to hang in the playoff chase; however, the Phillies have been pulling a Phil Collins all year long and, against all odds, are very much in the hunt. Here's hoping they step up their game against some more worthy adversaries this week.