Further dispatches from the continuing saga of the Lehigh Valley IronPigs mascot: from a pool of what was surely dozens of entries, IronPigs management selected 'PorkChop' as the winner and formally christened the big gray suit earlier this month. Yet another OneWord, but it's harmless and cute enough, right?
Turns out that 'Pork Chop' is kinda sorta racist to the Hispanic community. Or the Portuguese community. Or whoever. A couple weeks later, I'm still a little confused. The IronPigs reacted swiftly, re-naming the mascot 'Ferrous' (making alocal-TV commercial parody of Ferris Bueller's Day Off inevitable). And while it's not clear that the new name was also entered into the original name contest, I find the official reaction captured in the latest issue of Sports Illustrated quite illuminating:
"The name PorkChop was not much better than the other names submitted," spokesman Matt Provence says. "To 'cave,' you need to give up something. We didn't really give up anything."
Yeah, screw you, winning fan! Go IronPigs!
- On the same page of the aformentioned SI, there's a great feature that asks all major league GMs to provide a "one-word assessment" of their clubs after the winter meetings. Gillick's response is "Close," which is more perfect than he knows. It's probably one of the best responses next to the A's Billy Beane ("Healing") and the Braves' Frank Wren ("Recharging"). The dunce cap is split between the Royals' Dayton Moore ("Futuristic") and the Astros' Wacky Ed Wade ("Solidifying").
- Speaking of Ed Wade, he proved he's still got it by trading for an aging Miguel Tejada days before he was outed for buying steroids in the Mitchell Report. Enjoy your new GM, Astros fans.
- And speaking of the Mitchell Report (transitions are dynamite today), the fallout for the Phillies is rather inconsequential. Like most of the guys named in the report, the former Phils that bought the juice/cow hormones either weren't that good to begin with (Gary Bennett), were already under suspicion (Lenny Dykstra), or had already been exposed (David Bell). How much did this cost MLB again?
The mascot's first videotaped appearance gives the impression that somebody was thinking of Charlie Manuel when they designed the thing's physique. Still moves pretty well for a fat guy, though. And, as awkwardly explained by the IronPigs PR rep in the video, the pig's name is still up in the air. It's up to you to determine whether "Jack Bauer" or "Fatty Porker" or something of that ilk will be plastered all over future IronPigs merch.
It's too bad that they won't let the fans also come up with the mascot's backstory. This is the best that a company that designs mascots professionally could offer:
According to the unnamed porker's ''biography,'' he was born in a steel mill but ''never felt he fit in with other pigs'' and was found by a Seiple Farms employee ''wandering on Route 22 searching for a place to play baseball.''
That's pretty nonsensical, even for a mascot. There are so many unanswered questions here. Is the pig organic, or was it smelted from scratch? Why the hell does it want to play baseball? Why not turn it into some sort of inspiring, RoboCop-esque story of horrible disfigurement, technological redemption, and revenge gained from dancing to the Black-Eyed Peas between innings?
And for the record, I've already submitted the name "Rivety McFerrum," so no copying.
- The Phils have collected a good deal of postseason hardware in the past couple weeks. Gold Gloves were given to the long-deserving Jimmy Rollins and the somewhat puzzling choice of Aaron Rowand (in a tie, apparently; at least it didn't go to Eric Byrnes). Jimmy also picked up a Silver Slugger along with Chase Utley, who has quickly developed a chokehold on offensive excellence among second basemen.
The big prize, of course--Rollins for MVP--is still up in the air and will likely determine the volume of posts here in the near future.
- Hey! Kyle Kendrick got 7 ROY votes! Cole Hamels also managed a sixth-place finish in the NL Cy Young voting, and probably would have been top three if not for his late-season injury (and if not for being kind of a jerk). Also, apocalypse was averted when Uncle Charlie finished second to Bob Melvin for NL Manager of the Year.
- I don't like what's coming out of the Gillick camp regarding the third base and centerfield situations. I can understand the desire to pursue pitching (considering Adam Eaton was the worst starter in the NL last year), but the offseason crop of available guys seems like a bunch of No. 3s at best. I guess we'll have to be happy with a 3B platoon. But another potential platoon at a key defensive position is really going to put a squeeze on the bench, especially since they still haven't tracked down Pat Burrell's defensive replacement yet. And what about a backup catcher?
Keep an eye on that Mariners roster, Phils fans. Names like Jeremy Reed or Jamie Burke might become more familiar very, very soon.
Hey! The Phillies won a division championship! Did you hear about it?
Word on the street is that the Mets also blew a huge lead in the last three weeks of the season. Maybeyouheardaboutthatinstead?
Homeboy Jayson Stark (who, in terms of ESPN employees, is to the Phillies what Buster Olney is to the Yankees...a blatant homer) seems to be the only journalist with a national profile giving credit where credit is due.
The story of the Phils' comeback isn't quite worthy of all the "Top 10 Greatest Chokes" columns that the Mets are getting--no, it deserves its own documentary miniseries narrated by Morgan Freeman. You want drama? Try 500-1 odds of making the postseason (and a plethora of other crazy stuff that happened this season; this guy just beat me to the bunch on the list) on September 12. Makes me wish I had a bookie.
And to add insult to injury, the scheduled start times for the first four Rockies-Phillies NLDS games are pretty horrible for almost every market. Those 3 PM weekday games are particularly unconscionable, considering the problems with shadows (as alluded to by Aaron Rowand last week) and the fact that it's freakin' NOON on the West Coast. Thank goodness for the Internet.
- NLDS Mini-Preview: The Rockies-Phillies matchup is very intriguing, not least of all because it features two playoff-hungry franchises that ended the season on a major roll. Both are teams with stellar talent that can mash the ball and run the bases. Both have suspect bullpens. Both play in offensive paradises.
That's where the similarities end, though. The Rox have similar defensive strength in the middle infield, but the Phils' outfielders and defensive substitutes are far superior (even factoring in the Burrell Effect). The Phillies bench is downright scary and could be the best of any NL playoff team. And the rotations don't match up at all. Jeff Francis is an ace, but behind him...yikes. The Rockies aren't even disclosing their matchups yet--kind of expected when anybody from Mark Redman to Elmer Dessens to Ubaldo Jimenez could be leading you into battle. Prediction: Phillies in 4
The Cubs-Diamondbacks series is tougher to call, simply because I have no idea how Arizona is doing it. They've been outscored by a bajillion runs. They have an everyday lineup of Eric Byrnes and seven kids still struggling to grow mustaches. They can hit the long ball but have extremely poor plate discipline. These are your NL West Champions? (Sidebar: how insane is it that a franchise that's only existed for 10 seasons has already made the playoffs 4 times? And people wonder why this means so much to Philly...)
The Cubs, on the other hand, are a stealthily good team. Their biggest second-half meltdowns were almost all against bad teams in a very Phillies-esque manner of playing down to the competition. Chicago's got pitching that looks as good as any other NL contender's and several underrated offensive superstars (Soriano, A. Ramirez, D. Lee). What's Arizona got? Brandon Webb and a retractable roof? Prediction: Cubs in 5
- The 25-man roster is set! This is the kind of thing you always heard about playoff teams doing but just never got to experience for yourself (man, it's been a long time).
Of course, the 24 Million Dollar Man is conspicuously absent. The Padres are still laughing at us, I think. I'm upset that J.D. Durbin is missing too. It makes sense in a 5-game series to only carry 10 pitchers, especially with a maybe-injured catcher and the Phils' stellar corps of pinch-hitters, but could the Real Deal really be any worse than Jose Mesa? We might rue this decision someday.
- My sister postulated an interesting theory recently:
"The Phillies make the playoffs in 1993. Mike Lieberthal joins the Phils roster in 1994. The Phillies do not make the playoffs from 1994 to 2006. Mike Lieberthal signs with the Dodgers after the 2006 season. The Phillies make the playoffs in 2007."
Spooky!
- Conan O'Brien is a beautiful man:
- The first playoff game in Philadelphia in 14 years is tomorrow! Tonight will be like the night before Christmas and the last meal before execution all rolled up into one. I don't know whether to cheer or cry.
Just minutes ago, the Phils put the finishing touches on a 6-4 victory over the Braves (and by "finishing touches" I mean Brett Myers allowed a home run in the top of the ninth). Coupled with the Mets' loss, the current NL East standings look something like this:
New York Mets: 87-72 Philadelphia Phillies: 87-72
In true Philadelphia fashion, the level of the opposition has finally come down to meet the consistent slightly-past-mediocre performance of the hometown team. The Phillies haven't been in first place or in a tie for first place this late in the season since 1993. (As an aside, how much have we suffered when the answer to nearly every recent-playoffs-related Phillies trivia question is "1993"?) Hell, they haven't even been in first place in September since 2001. Keep it up, guys. We might not need the wild card after all.
I knew the Cardinals were good for something.
- Should this stalemate persist, there are about a million Rashomon-like tie-braking scenarios. The most important thing about this is that the Rockies will have the home field advantage in nearly every scenario since they've recently channeled the spirit of the 2002 A's during a convenient stretch of games against their division rivals.
How much do you think Ryan Howard and Co. would love to see that, should it come to a one-game playoff? This team is built for Coors Field--they slug the ball and playing on the road doesn't seem any different than playing at home to them. I refuse to believe that everything is actually lining up this way. I just can't believe it.
- Speaking of Howard, he's now the proud owner of the single-season strikeout record, now set at 197 punchouts. I like how it combines the excitement of Cal Ripken's consecutive game streak (where he could break his own record every day) and the white-elephantness of Reggie Sanders.
I actually like the direction this record is taking. Long gone are the days when Jose Hernandez challenged Bobby Bonds's place in baseball history. It's more like a bad-but-good record now, like how Cy Young's record number of losses attested more to his longevity than to any failings of his talent. Today's prolific whiffers actually contribute a lot of value--Howard eclipsed Adam Dunn's mark of 195. Those are two guys that just about any GM would have.
- The Chase Utley Plunk-O-Meter is now up to 24; the Phillies have collected an NL-high 85 HBP. I was told that Comcast SportsNet ran a "Chase Utley hit-by-pitch montage" during a recent Phils game. The man is earning every cent of his paycheck.
- What's most amazing to me about this particular late-season surge is that it's occurring during a very awkward time for the franchise. Aaron Rowand has one foot out the door. Uncle Charlie hasn't received an extension and isn't likely to get one unless the Phillies make noise in the playoffs. And Pat Gillick announced he'll play out the string until 2008 and then ride off into the sunset (presumably near Toronto, Seattle, or Chicago). Perhaps it's this atmosphere of impending transition that is finally providing that sense of urgency lacking from the past six seasons.
Stick around--things are about to get interesting.
Ed's Note: Henceforth I shall abandon the bland "Phillies Notes" tag and, at long last, correctly recognize all my random, half-developed observations for the filler they are.
Pat Burrell is like a Nilla Wafer. He's never quite as good as you remember him or want him to be, but since the recipe remains consistent you're never really that upset.
I mention this because Jerry Crasnick has compiled some sort of "Back from the Dead" all-star team, and numero uno is none other than Pat the Bat. Besides establishing Pat in the same company as hot baseball commodities Jeff Weaver and Julio Lugo, Crasnick makes the same point that I try to make to a lot of Burrell-bashers: despite all the booing, he always comes back, yeoman-like, and puts up a vague approximation of the stats he's always had (save for 2003). Sure, he's losing steps and he's a streaky hitter, but he's streaky in a sabermetric-y way, usually finding his way out of the woods by the end of the season. Most guys regress to the mean, but the Big Vanilla--especially this year--usually finds himself ascending to the mean. If he doesn't finish the season in the neighborhood of .270/25/85, I will eat the sleeves off my Terrell Owens jersey.
Also notable is Crasnick's comment describing Burrell's chronic under-achievement:
Burrell had just failed to make an All-Star team for the eighth straight season
Total number of seasons Pat Burrell has played in the majors: 8 Total number of All-Star teams Burrell has failed to make: 8
I don't think you should be allowed to frame it as a statistical drought if it's never even occurred once. This shocks me, actually. Even Von Hayes, the patron saint of Phillies bloggers and in many ways a spiritual forefather to Burrell, made it to the Midsummer Classic at least once.
I know who I'm ironically stuffing the ballot box for next year.
- Looking at last night's box score, a single number jumped out and grabbed me by the throat--1. It represents the first (and maybe last) stolen base of Ryan Howard's career. I somehow missed the game even though it was on FSN here on the West Coast and have been searching YouTube in vain for video confirmation of this milestone. The Subway diet is clearly producing results.
- An addendum to yesterday's musings on injuries: according to this item, of the 25 players on the Phillies' Opening Day roster, only 9 of them have not spent time on the disabled list this year. Improbably, Aaron Rowand is one of the nine men out (of the trainer's room....da-da KISH!).
If Rowand comes to play every day and gets dirty, then he must be the Phillies' MVP. Compared to everyone else, he's the most deserving of praise and is singlehandedly keeping the team afloat. Think about it.
Jimmy Rollins shows up every day but is a very well-groomed fellow, so he can't be worth as much. Cole Hamels only comes to play every five days. Brett Myers will come to play every day, but only if the Phils have a slim lead. And that charlatan, Abraham Nunez, comes to play every few days and only then for the last couple innings. What a jerk.
