Cole Hamels Eats Lightning and Craps Thunder

Here's a brief list of supposed Phillies "aces" since Curt Schilling was traded:

Robert Person (out of baseball)
Randy Wolf (Tommy John surgery)
Kevin Millwood (50-45, 4.15 ERA since 2003)
Vicente Padilla (banished to Texas with Millwood)
Brett Myers (on DL, trying to salvage career in the bullpen)

While most of these guys were at least decent, none was a true "stopper"--the cool, confident, dynamic pitcher who you believed could stop his team's four-game losing streak (and look like an actual athlete out there on the mound). Finally, the Phils have found an answer:

Cole Freaking Hamels. Second complete game of the year. National League-leading eighth win. Second most strikeouts in the majors, trailing Jake Peavy (who I hear is pretty decent himself) by one.

And much how the Ryan Howard bandwagon took off last year, the Robo-Lefty is gaining a considerable cult following of his own. Cole Hamels Facts are a spin on all those intentionally ridiculous "Chuck Norris Facts" that have been beaten to death for the last couple years. A typical sampling:

Jack Bauer calls Cole Hamels for advice.
When Cole Hamels passes "Go", he collects $400.
Cole puts his pants on 2 legs at a time.
Cole Hamels isn't left-handed, he's bored.
Cole Hamels walks up to Gino's, orders a cheesesteak witout in Spanish, and they still serve him.
One time Cole Hamels spent 40 days in the desert. To survive, he ate whole camels.

There are almost of thousand of these to check out if you are so inclined. Be forewarned: they are all user-submitted, the majority of them suck, and it looks like they aren't screened before being posted ("Cole Hamels once punched a man so hard that he broke his multi-million dollar pitching hand and then lied to the cops about the incident").

Alas, Cole's only human, no matter how much I want to believe these "facts." But I'm still holding out hope that my personal favorite is true:

Wayne Gomes delivers Cole Hamels' newspaper, and Cole doesn't even tip him.

Cole Hamels Facts [colehamelsfacts.com]

Catching Up With The People We'd Rather Forget

I'll admit it: sometimes I feel bad for making fun of Von Hayes. In terms of hype and insurmountable expectations, he was his era's A-Rod (without the prodigious talent). The insanity of the five-for-one trade that brought him to Philadelphia completely overshadowed anything he would accomplish in a Phillies uniform. There's nothing he could have done, short of curing ALS, to redeem himself. Philly expected the second coming of Mickey Mantle, but what they got was a rich man's Bobby Higginson.

I was pleasantly surprised to see the Phillies catching up with Hayes after all these years and genuinely pleased to hear that he was having some recent success as a manager in the A's minor league system. It seems odd that an organization would so fondly remember a player so vilified in his time--until you realize that there are few athletes that don't receive prodigious criticism in Philadelphia at one point or another.

One of the goals of this blog is to preserve the historical mediocrity and ineptness that makes Philadelphia sports so unique. Before the Phillies stole my thunder, I was planning a feature on "the Five Most Undistinguished Phillies Outfielders (and Infielders, Pitchers, etc) Since 1990." While compiling an initial list for this project, I ran into a problem. I had only gone back about six seasons, and there were already too many superbly undistinguished Phillies to limit the list to five.

I've decided instead to start what I hope will become a running feature at the Baker Bowl in opposition to the "Catching Up With..." features in the mainstream media that mostly fawn over former greats and fan favorites--"Do You Recall...", a collection of Phillies that have won our hearts with their statistical flukes, random All-Star appearances, much greater success with other teams, and trivial tidbits and have played in red pinstripes no earlier than 1992.

Why 1992? That was the Vonster's last season in the majors and, coincidentally, the beginning of any specific memories I have of being burdened with the birthright of Philadelphia fandom.

The envelope, please:

Do You Recall...Rob Ducey?

A stalwart of the Phillies bench for 246 games from 1999-2001, Ducey began and ended his career in his native Canada with the Blue Jays and Expos, respectively. However, his star never shined brighter than when he wore a Phillies uniform. Primarily a backup to the Ron Gant-Doug Glanville-Bobby Abreu outfields of that era (cripes), Robbie nevertheless complied 85 hits in his Phillies career thanks to his status as "the least inept guy we can send up there to pinch-hit."

What truly cements Ducey's place in Phillies lore is his legendary 2000 season. Though he was batting a torrid .189 through 70 games, the Phils traded him to Toronto on July 26 for a player to be named later. This is what is commonly referred to as a "steal." Rob Ducey's mother probably wouldn't trade for Rob Ducey at this point in his career.

Two weeks later, the Blue Jays acquired Mickey Morandini from the Philadelphia for a player to be named later. That player was...Rob Ducey. Essentially, Ducey was traded for himself. Even Pujols couldn't pull that off.

A final note on Mr. Ducey: in his 14-year career, Rob collected a hit against 29 of the current 30 existing major league franchises. The thirtieth? None other than the Philadelphia Phillies.

For his unswerving loyalty to the Phillies, I fondly recall Rob "The Prodigal Son" Ducey.

Catching Up With...Von Hayes [Phillies.com]
Rob Ducey Statistics [Baseball-Reference]

Phillies Notes: A Home Field Disadvantage

It's been a gamut of emotions the past week, as the Phils moved from sweeper to sweepee after another late-inning comeback against the Diamondbacks fell short Wednesday night. What's interesting to me is that both times the Phillies have been swept in a 3-game series this year (Arizona and the first series of the season against Atlanta) it has occurred at the friendly confines of Citizens Bank Park.

This doesn't make any sense. How could the home field favor the visitor more than the regular tenant?

It seems to me that Philadelphia should have more of a home-field advantage for several reasons:
1) CBP has short power alleys, especially to right field, and the Phils are loaded with left-handed power hitting
2) Center and left-center are relatively far away, good for the speed at the top and bottom of the order in addition to the excellent range of the Phillies outfielders (Pat Burrell being an exception)
3) Philly is not the most welcoming place for opposing teams and that raucous fanbase is still intact since the stadium-builders didn't flee to the suburbs or a tony downtown area

Despite these seemingly obvious advantages, why does it always seem like the Phillies play no better in front of their home crowd than they do on the road?

Maybe because that's exactly the case.

Phillies at home since 2004: 142-127 (.528)
Phillies on the road since 2004: 143-127 (.530)

Those records are nearly identical! It's simply staggering to think that the Phillies have had winning seasons every year they've been in their new ballpark with a negative (-.002) home field advantage. In fact, that's not even an advantage. That's the very definition of a home field disadvantage, however slight it may be. Only in Philadelphia.

Maybe the park can't be blamed for all of the Phillies' woes, but it's time to brainstorm solutions when a good team cannot even get a lift from its own ballpark.

Phillies Notes: The Last Living Phillies Optimist

In a game like last night's, with the Phillies down 5-1 in the bottom of the ninth and facing the NL leader in saves, most fans tend to expect the worst. I place my father and myself firmly in this category.

My mother, however, is something of an endangered species. Her outlook on the situation was something else entirely:

Dad: They're not gonna score five runs. Not happening.
Mom: Well, sure they can.
Me: This team is capable of scoring a lot of runs in an inning.
Mom: How many did they just score against Atlanta?
Me: It's too late, though.
*Victorino and Utley both get on base, Howard and Rowand strike out*
Mom: Hey, Greg Dobbs. "Downtown" Dobbs.
*Dobbs blasts a three-run homer*
*Mom attempts to leave the recliner and move to the couch*
Dad: Don't get out of that chair! You're good luck right now.
Me: Uh-oh, Ruiz grounder to end the game.
*Conor Jackson pulls a Buckner and Ruiz is safe at first*
Me: DON'T MOVE! DON'T MOVE!
Mom: You see? We can do it!
*Barajas hits a deep fly ball to right*
Me: No freaking way.
*It's caught at the warning track*
Dad: Jeezus, they stink.

It was a typical Phillies letdown. No need to make three quick outs--take it to the limit, make everyone believe, and then fall juuuust short of the goal.

Barajas deserves some slack here. He tried his best. Ryan Madson is the true goat by virtue of walking Tony Clark with two outs in the top of the ninth, which led to Arizona scoring two more insurance runs and robbing Dobbs of his eventual walk-off moment to be followed by a post-game shaving cream pie in the face.

- The Phillies had a chance to break the game open in the bottom of the fifth with the bases loaded, one out, and Freddy Garcia coming to the plate. The pitching staff actually has a combined 19 hits, second only to the New York Mets. Still, Garcia grounded into a double play and one wonders if Charlie Manuel should have pinch-hit in this situation.

Garcia was approaching an 8.5 on the Kevin Millwood Sweating Scale and had allowed eight baserunners. However, he settled down and only allowed one more Diamondback to reach base in the next three innings combined. Also consider that the "good" segment of the bullpen had a full day's rest and Madson still failed to hold off the D-Backs, making himself a liar yet again. In hindsight, this will look like a good managerial decision based on sound defense-over-offense logic.

But logic had little to do with it. Garcia has been fuming at Manuel in the press about a perceived lack of confidence in his ability to pitch deep into a game, and Manuel clearly is the type of manager who wants all his players to like him (see: the continued starts of Rod Barajas). Give Manuel some credit here, as his "Uncle Charlie" approach actually worked in an ass-backwards sort of way. Sooner or later, though, this team is going to need a manager more than it needs a friendly psychotherapist.

- Philadelphia hadn't swept the Braves in Atlanta since 1995. Maybe if they missed John Smoltz's spot in the rotation every time, it would happen more often.

- Quote of the Night: "The Phillies can't wait to get Tom Gordon back in their bullpen." - Chris Wheeler

Tom Gordon? The guy whose Value Over Replacement Player (VORP) has been nosediving for the past three seasons? The guy who just got approval to start a "tossing program" like it's Pony League practice? Who has been on the DL since May 2 and still hasn't been able to throw?

Wheels, be careful what you wish for.

Sal Fasano Can Block the Plate

The Rod Barajas soap opera continues to plod on and shows no signs of stopping. Uncle Charlie started him for the third time in four games and Barajas responded by going 0-for-4 with two strikeouts, dropping his season average to .217.

Meanwhile, in Minneapolis...

Toronto put together a nice relay to throw Cuddy out - and my man Sal Fasano (former Royals prospect) blocked the plate well. The contact play was on when Punto took off for home, but the ball happened to be hit right at the shortstop. I thought Torii gambled the most when he tried to stretch his single but, again, Toronto made the play.

In addition to his third-inning heroics, Fasano made another run-saving play in the fifth. Both were significant in an extra-inning win for the Blue Jays over the Twins.

Philly misses you and your Fu Manchu, Sal!



About Last Night... [Twins Insider]