Phillies Notes: Goddamnit

You know what I hate about GameCasts or Game Trax or live box scores or any of the other low-tech Internet applications that take living, breathing sporting events and turn them into Mattel Football?

They're too sterile. They're too mechanical. They are simply lists of events providing no context whatsoever.

So Chase Utley gets hit by a pitch. It's a rather frequent occurrence, as I noted earlier this season. I do not panic. He stays in the game. I think everything is fine and dandy.

I go to play some public park b-ball with a buddy of mine. After we're done, he drops this bombshell on me. Utley's got a broken hand. No doubt Chase will try to rush back, but I can't see him back anytime before September. John Lannan, you major-league-debuting piece of petrified horse dung, you have just moved past Scott Thorman and the Teal Bastards on my enemies list.

For those of you who took the SATs when they still had an analogies section, it wasn't hard to envision Chase Utley::2007 Phillies AS Ryan Howard::2006 Phillies as a question in a really, really easy version of the College Boards. (For anyone who doesn't remember those, well, you have to write a 15-minute essay on how the Phils can generate offense with a Helms-Abe Nunez-catcher-pitcher turd bomb sitting at the bottom of the order. Maybe throw Burrell in there for old time's sake.)

Ok, they'll still score some runs. And defense is covered by Dr. Abe's HMO. Still, with the Phillies' bullpen again remembering that it's the Phillies' bullpen and wasting a quality start from Adam Eaton, of all people, things could get grim for a team expected to contend for a division title. Now we're lucky to hang with the Arizona Diamondbacks of the world. I'm too disgusted to even think about it.

This past week, up to Ryan Howard's walk-off home run to beat Washington in the 14th inning, was like Philly's "inexplicably winning a lot of games and having fun" sports movie montage. I can only guess that Michael Bourn was impersonating Diana Ross in the dugout, or that Uncle Charlie had a life-sized cardboard cutout of David Montgomery in the clubhouse, ripping off a piece of its Velcro-ed suit for each victory. And now Ken Griffey, Jr. has caught our homer at the wall and the guy from LA Law just found out that Charlie Sheen boffed his wife.

I'll say it again.

Goddamnit.

Phillies Notes: All-Star Roundup

It was a rather quiet All-Star Break for the Phillies involved in the festivities.

The Big Guy could muster only 3 dingers in the Home Run Derby, though the one to deep center was pretty impressive. The Derby used to be a lot more fun to watch when there was no shortage of "enhanced" sluggers hitting 50 homers per year. Nowadays, they're so short of participants that they throw line drive hitters like Magglio Ordonez out there and they get guys like Garret Anderson winning the title. Lame.

It's time to either turn the contest into an exhibition of surrogate DHs--the Adam Dunns and Jack Custs of the world, regardless of whether or not they are "All-Stars"--or take the pageantry and prestige of the Derby down a notch.

Believe it or not, I find that the Celebrity Softball Game is doing a better job of giving the TV viewer more bang for his or her buck. What started out as a goofy cavalcade of pudgy former pros and wannabe Hollywood athletes has year by year escalated into an Armageddon of massive celebrity egos and barely veiled disdain in the grand tradition of Battle of the Network Stars. This year was a major turning point. James Denton gave a smug sideline interview. Kenny Mayne absolutely robbed Jimmy Kimmel of a home run. Even Rob Scheinder brought his A-game, for Christ's sake. And Mayne's team just kept piling on the runs in a manner reminiscent of an epic beer league mismatch. Fantastic television--why doesn't it come on until after midnight?

And the game itself? Ho-hum, another American League victory, but for once the AL's closers were almost as shaky as the NL's. Take that, Billy Wagner.

It was a rather inauspicious showing for the Phillies as well. Cole Hamels pitched an inning and avoided giving up a run thanks to Russell Martin's ungodly agility behind the plate. Enjoy those knees while they last, Russ!

Neither Utley nor Rowand collected a hit, though Chase made a nifty defensive play on Carlos Guillen in the 6th inning. Rowand, one of the best in the league with runners in scoring position this season, came up with a chance to win the game in the bottom of the 9th and promptly flied out, thus introducing a nationwide audience to the basic tenets of Phillies baseball.

Not that the Phils needed that World Series home field advantage anyway.

Phillies Notes: A Family Affair

Is there such a thing as a two-game sweep in a three-game series? The Phillies were lucky to get out of Cleveland with one win. Pitching was subpar for all three games (especially the horrendous bullpen) and though they scored some runs, a diet of three straight lefties had the Fightings taking a lot of awfully ugly swings.

One of the few enjoyable subplots was following the performance of the high number of former Phillies on the current Indians roster at the beginning of the series. Pat Burrell's former fishing buddy, Jason Michaels, was the only guy who really torched the Phils, going 5-10 with a homer and 3 RBI. Maybe he heard about Pat's engagement.

Aaron Fultz also pitched a couple innings, didn't give up any runs, and somehow continues to avoid injury with that violent-looking delivery of his.

On the flip side, David Dellucci proved he was an "everyday player" by blowing out a hammy while running to first base. This being the Phillies, he still beat the throw. And Roberto Hernandez played himself all the way to the minors on Tuesday. Sadly, Paul Byrd and his forehead did not make an appearance.

To recap: five little Indians who played for Philadelphia on Monday; only three left by Thursday. You're welcome, Cleveland.

- Good riddance to interleague play! The Phillies escaped with a winning record for once (8-7), but I'm sure they wouldn't be sad to see it go. After the Expos left Montreal, Toronto became Philly's "natural rival." With Baltimore, there used to be a little juice to the games, but Phillies-Blue Jays has all the spark of Padres-Mariners. It's pretty depressing.

And with the exception of the White Sox, the AL Central just destroyed the Phils--even the Royals.

- Goodtime Charlie got ejected again on Sunday, his league-leading fifth ejection of the year. The Phillies, unsurprisingly, also lead the majors in ejections as a team.

This was always one of my pet peeves about Larry Bowa. If you whine and yell all the time, umpires are going to remember that. Manuel was supposed to be a change of pace--a guy who might actually endear himself to a few of the guys in blue. Now it seems like he'll get himself thrown out because he doesn't know what else to do.

- The Road to 10K continues, the magic number dwindling to 9. And despite all of the turmoil of the past week--the schizoid play, the bullpen implosions, the suspensions--only two games separate the Mets, Braves, and Phillies in the NL East.

Whatta game, folks.

Phillies Notes: A Home Field Disadvantage

It's been a gamut of emotions the past week, as the Phils moved from sweeper to sweepee after another late-inning comeback against the Diamondbacks fell short Wednesday night. What's interesting to me is that both times the Phillies have been swept in a 3-game series this year (Arizona and the first series of the season against Atlanta) it has occurred at the friendly confines of Citizens Bank Park.

This doesn't make any sense. How could the home field favor the visitor more than the regular tenant?

It seems to me that Philadelphia should have more of a home-field advantage for several reasons:
1) CBP has short power alleys, especially to right field, and the Phils are loaded with left-handed power hitting
2) Center and left-center are relatively far away, good for the speed at the top and bottom of the order in addition to the excellent range of the Phillies outfielders (Pat Burrell being an exception)
3) Philly is not the most welcoming place for opposing teams and that raucous fanbase is still intact since the stadium-builders didn't flee to the suburbs or a tony downtown area

Despite these seemingly obvious advantages, why does it always seem like the Phillies play no better in front of their home crowd than they do on the road?

Maybe because that's exactly the case.

Phillies at home since 2004: 142-127 (.528)
Phillies on the road since 2004: 143-127 (.530)

Those records are nearly identical! It's simply staggering to think that the Phillies have had winning seasons every year they've been in their new ballpark with a negative (-.002) home field advantage. In fact, that's not even an advantage. That's the very definition of a home field disadvantage, however slight it may be. Only in Philadelphia.

Maybe the park can't be blamed for all of the Phillies' woes, but it's time to brainstorm solutions when a good team cannot even get a lift from its own ballpark.

Phillies Notes: The Last Living Phillies Optimist

In a game like last night's, with the Phillies down 5-1 in the bottom of the ninth and facing the NL leader in saves, most fans tend to expect the worst. I place my father and myself firmly in this category.

My mother, however, is something of an endangered species. Her outlook on the situation was something else entirely:

Dad: They're not gonna score five runs. Not happening.
Mom: Well, sure they can.
Me: This team is capable of scoring a lot of runs in an inning.
Mom: How many did they just score against Atlanta?
Me: It's too late, though.
*Victorino and Utley both get on base, Howard and Rowand strike out*
Mom: Hey, Greg Dobbs. "Downtown" Dobbs.
*Dobbs blasts a three-run homer*
*Mom attempts to leave the recliner and move to the couch*
Dad: Don't get out of that chair! You're good luck right now.
Me: Uh-oh, Ruiz grounder to end the game.
*Conor Jackson pulls a Buckner and Ruiz is safe at first*
Me: DON'T MOVE! DON'T MOVE!
Mom: You see? We can do it!
*Barajas hits a deep fly ball to right*
Me: No freaking way.
*It's caught at the warning track*
Dad: Jeezus, they stink.

It was a typical Phillies letdown. No need to make three quick outs--take it to the limit, make everyone believe, and then fall juuuust short of the goal.

Barajas deserves some slack here. He tried his best. Ryan Madson is the true goat by virtue of walking Tony Clark with two outs in the top of the ninth, which led to Arizona scoring two more insurance runs and robbing Dobbs of his eventual walk-off moment to be followed by a post-game shaving cream pie in the face.

- The Phillies had a chance to break the game open in the bottom of the fifth with the bases loaded, one out, and Freddy Garcia coming to the plate. The pitching staff actually has a combined 19 hits, second only to the New York Mets. Still, Garcia grounded into a double play and one wonders if Charlie Manuel should have pinch-hit in this situation.

Garcia was approaching an 8.5 on the Kevin Millwood Sweating Scale and had allowed eight baserunners. However, he settled down and only allowed one more Diamondback to reach base in the next three innings combined. Also consider that the "good" segment of the bullpen had a full day's rest and Madson still failed to hold off the D-Backs, making himself a liar yet again. In hindsight, this will look like a good managerial decision based on sound defense-over-offense logic.

But logic had little to do with it. Garcia has been fuming at Manuel in the press about a perceived lack of confidence in his ability to pitch deep into a game, and Manuel clearly is the type of manager who wants all his players to like him (see: the continued starts of Rod Barajas). Give Manuel some credit here, as his "Uncle Charlie" approach actually worked in an ass-backwards sort of way. Sooner or later, though, this team is going to need a manager more than it needs a friendly psychotherapist.

- Philadelphia hadn't swept the Braves in Atlanta since 1995. Maybe if they missed John Smoltz's spot in the rotation every time, it would happen more often.

- Quote of the Night: "The Phillies can't wait to get Tom Gordon back in their bullpen." - Chris Wheeler

Tom Gordon? The guy whose Value Over Replacement Player (VORP) has been nosediving for the past three seasons? The guy who just got approval to start a "tossing program" like it's Pony League practice? Who has been on the DL since May 2 and still hasn't been able to throw?

Wheels, be careful what you wish for.

Phillies Notes: Rod Barajas Strikes Again

You know it's going to be an interesting night when Abraham Nunez batting second isn't the biggest surprise on the lineup card. Rod Barajas started his second straight game, one night after pussing out on a tag (for the tying run, no less) at home plate. Say what you want about Charlie--he's got balls.

Predictably, Barajas went on to drop a sure out at the plate in the sixth--this time a go-ahead run. And this time he wasn't so lucky, as extra innings forced the Phils to use relievers not named Geary or Madson and eventually lose in the 11th. Does Toronto still want this guy?

Philadelphia continues to choke on the sweet air of .500, not a good idea when you're playing division rivals. The Phillies take the Road to 10K (magic number 20) to Atlanta next.

- A freakish first inning concussion suffered by arguably the team's hottest hitter for the last couple weeks? Yeah, that sounds about right. Shame on Miguel Olivo for whacking Nunez in the head and then trying to call interference on Dr. Abe. Teal bastard.

- Is there any other stadium in baseball right now that captures all the ambiance and joviality of a San Quentin softball field more than Dolphins Stadium? Its grittiness matches the spirit of the seemingly inexplicable bad blood between the Phillies and Marlins (I hate you, too, Scott Olsen), but that's about the only thing it brings to the table. It's so cavernous and depressing that at least one Marlin has taken solace in the postgame spread:

Miguel Cabrera in 2003.

Miguel Cabrera this season.

I always thought An Inconvenient Truth was missing a "Junk in the Trunk" segment.

To be fair, it's not entirely the Marlins' fault. Their fanbase is simply horrid. You can say the weather keeps people away, but at some point you've got to chalk it up to general apathy. This is inexcusable because since 2000, there have been two types of Marlins teams-either (A) division contenders/eventual World Series Champions or (B) overachieving teams stacked with incredible young talent and likable veterans that make .500 ball fun to watch.

Yet I've heard the TV mics pick up more than a few Phillies chants the past few days, which frequently happens when the Phils go down Miami way. No wonder the Fish are always threatening to move.

- Quote of the Night: [on Jon Lieber's pitch location...I think] "His balls really have a lot of movement out there." - Gary "Sarge" Matthews, Sr.

Phillies Notes: A Good Bullpen Arm Is Hard to Find

The perpetual motion machine known as Fabio Castro was again demoted to the minor leagues on the heels of a 7-3 Phillies homestand, leaving the bullpen without a single lefty. Not that either Castro or Matt Smith, who began the season as the Phils' left-handed reliever, has been terribly effective this year:

Castro: 5 APP, 3.2 IP, 12.27 ERA, 2.45 WHIP
Smith: 9 APP, 4 IP, 11.25 ERA, 3.75 WHIP

I've always thought the idea of a "situational lefty" was a bit of a paper tiger. If you are a right-handed pitcher and cannot get left-handed batters out (and vice versa), then you probably shouldn't be playing in the major leagues.

At least Fabio had a marginally lower average and OPS against for lefties than he did for righties. Smith, on the other hand, had a .400 average against and 1.127 OPS against for left-handed batters. Talk about not doing your job. It makes one pine for the days of Rheal Cormier.

Well, not really.

But finding a decent left-handed reliever is, at this point, probably a low priority since nearly the entire Phillies bullpen has been an unqualified disaster. Things aren't good when you're taking on the refuse of the Toronto Blue Jays and men without faces. Honestly--the Blue Jays? At least poach pitchers from good teams, not a team that has been mired in a parallel spiral of mediocrity since 1993.

Only two things about this year's bullpen offer a glimmer of hope: the brilliant decision to move Brett Myers into the closer's role and the imminent return of Ryan Madson and his sideburns. I'm particularly tickled about Myers's success. The homegrown closer is something I've been advocating for a while. (Advocating to whom? Myself, mainly. But that's beside the point.) It's a great way to potentially savage some pitching prospects and save money--if it's made an organizational priority. The alternative, which the Phillies have chosen year after year, is to be held hostage by "veteran" closers who convert gaudy save numbers--perhaps one of the flukiest stats in baseball--into big bucks.

Remember, Billy Koch saved 40 games once upon a time. So did Keith Foulke. And when the Oakland A's dumped them both after one season of cheap labor, they were the ones laughing all the way to the bank. Saves really do grow on trees.

One last note about Phillies closers: has any organization ever done more for the African-American relief pitcher? Before Tom Gordon there were Arthur Rhodes, Wayne Gomes, Heathcliff Slocumb, etc. Even Robert Person was originally a bullpen arm (and he was acquired from Toronto to boot). I'm shocked that we haven't seen LaTroy Hawkins in red pinstripes yet. Otherwise, the Phillies have more than atoned for being the last in the National League to integrate.

This makes the Billy Wagner Era all the more uncharacteristic. He was obviously destined to fail. It was like booking Jeff Foxworthy at the Apollo.

Phillies Notes: Scoring Is Not A Problem

Hey there, beautiful. Do you come here often? Well, maybe you wouldn't mind helping me look for my Purple Heart. I seem to have misplaced it somewhere, along with all my competent relief pitchers.

You cannot possibly be shutting me out right now. That's impossible. It hasn't happened to me even once. I've conquered them all--Ted Lilly, Kyle Lohse, even Matt Morris. Now, if you want to see somebody strike out, go talk to Florida. That dude is a loser.

Yep, scoring is not a problem for me. I'm outscoring most of my peers, yet somehow I still have a losing record. Story of my life. I think I'm winning people over but I just can't close the deal. Plus I just lost my best wingman, Ryan Howard, for at least the next couple weeks. Truth be told, he hasn't been himself lately.

This is kinda bad news since Milwaukee is coming to visit soon, and he's quite a player himself. And he's so annoyingly good at stopping other dudes from scoring; it's like he's his own mother hen. I'll try my best to keep scoring. Though I must say, it seems to lack the fulfillment I am looking for. But no more excuses for now. It's time to play like a champion.

Or at least look like one on paper.

Phillies Notes: Win Just 20 For the Gipper

While puttering around recently on the Baseball Almanac, I was dismayed to learn (not shocked--we are never shocked by bad news here) that the last Phillies pitcher to win at least 20 games in a season was Steve Carlton, who last pulled it off in 1982. Lefty accomplished this feat six times and even won an astonishing 27 games in 1972.

But since '82? Nothing. John Denny won 19 in 1983 and Curt Schilling sniffed at it a couple times, but it's mostly been a pipe dream since then. And you know something? It really doesn't have a lot to do with the pitchers themselves.

Sure, the Phillies have had some horrendous starters over the years (paging Matt Beech), but wins are an immensely overrated stat when used to evaluate pitching. This is Moneyball 101. Wins are much more reflective of the potency of the lineup supporting the pitcher, which tends to make more sense considering the rather anemic offense of the late 1980s and 1990s Phillies (even that 1993 squad lacked a true slugger). What I'm saying is that once you get Jim Thome, then it makes Kevin Millwood look that much better.

What's notable about this year's squad is that they already have two starters that have won 20 games in the past--Jon Lieber and Jamie Moyer--yet have never seemed like terribly gifted pitchers. No, if anyone is going to win 20 anytime soon, it will be Cole Hamels. Watching the Phils-Giants game on Sunday, I saw a performance even better than his line indicated (5 runs, some of them the product of poor fielding). His stuff simply baffles hitters. And with the kind of run support he gets--the kind that allows Adam Eaton to have a winning record despite an 8.18 ERA--twenty wins is not out of the realm of possibility. Even if Ryan Howard continues to resemble 2003 Pat Burrell.

Actually, Ryan, I take that back. That's not something I wish on anybody except Scott Thorman.

Phillies Notes: A Numbers Game

In between his training sessions with Apollo Creed, Aaron Rowand is quickly becoming the latest, greatest Philly sports hero. His 4-for-5 performance (including a home run) against Florida on Friday extended his hitting streak to 15 games.

This game was the quintessence of Phillies baseball and another reason for me to rue the fact that I can't see any of the games while I'm out on the West Coast. You had J-Roll and Face Utley keying a dramatic comeback in the eighth until Tom "Yugo" Gordon promptly gave up the lead the very next inning.

Luckily for the Phils, rampant expansion has appeared to have the same depleting effect on nearly every team's bullpen, and they rallied for the win behind another Rowand single and Carlos Ruiz's clutch, um, infield grounder for the winning RBI. (Ruiz is actually proving me very wrong so far, both with his offense and defense--two Marlins caught stealing.)

Friday's lineup was notable in that Rowand is now apparently batting sixth instead of seventh, due to his current hot streak. In my mind, this is a big mistake and gives me a chance to expound on what's wrong with the conventions of setting the order of a baseball lineup.

The "conventional wisdom" on the order of hitters is skewed towards instant gratification. This is odd since baseball, more than most sports, seems to reward patience and careful planning. Yet every single lineup is ordered to maximize the potential of scoring a run in the very first inning.

Why? "Playing the percentages" has always been laughable to me in a profession where a thirty percent success rate (for hitters) is seen as exceptional. I would much prefer a method employed by the best Little League coach I ever had--spread out of some of your more consistent hitters. On the H.L.S. Orioles, we always had a big bopper at the top, in the middle, and near the bottom of the lineup. We were all skeptical at first, but the stigma of batting seventh or eighth quickly wore off once we saw the results: a complete lineup where it was nearly impossible to string together more than one "easy out."

If Rowand stays in the sixth spot, the last three lineup spots look something like this:

7. Wes Helms
8. Catching platoon (Barajas and Ruiz)
9. Starting pitcher

It's good strategy to "protect" your best hitter, but it's just as smart to protect some of your weakest--especially a guy like Helms, who's a solid contact hitter if he gets to see a few good pitches. I would even advocate Rowand dropping to eighth every now and then, considering the top-to-bottom strength of the Phillies lineup, as they always seem to get in situations where the eighth spot makes the last out and the pitcher's spot has to lead off in the next inning.

Bottom line, I'm tired of situations that put a lot of pressure on the heart of the order to close a deficit because they know the "weaker" half of the lineup has even less of a chance to produce runs. Because, more often than not, what we end up with is Abraham Nunez failing at a closer's fastball to end the game. GODDAMN IT, we need some sabermatricians up in here. Think outside the box, people!

A few more significant numbers:

- Utley plunked again on Thursday against the Nationals and now up to 8 HBPs. He had 14 all of last season and now has 39 on his career.

- Rollins hits his eighth homer from the leadoff spot, tying a National League record for the month of April. The Major League record is 11, by Brady "Totally Not on Steroids" Anderson in 1996.

- The Phils have won six of their last eight to climb into a tie for third place in the NL East with the Marlins. Man, do I hate the Marlins, who have won more championships in the past decade than the Phillies have in well over a century of baseball. And I'm not alone.

- As certain sectors of the media have observed, the Phillies franchise is closing in on 10,000 losses, by far the most of any professional sports franchise. The magic number is currently 32.

I am hereby establishing an informal pool to guess the date/opponent and score of the 10,000th loss. The winner will receive a congratulatory post and a 2007 Nomar Garciaparra LA Dodgers bobblehead. Guesses can be posted as comments on any entry until May 6. Here's a schedule for reference.

My official guess: July 3, at Houston, 7-1. Good luck!