Phillies Notes: All-Star Roundup

It was a rather quiet All-Star Break for the Phillies involved in the festivities.

The Big Guy could muster only 3 dingers in the Home Run Derby, though the one to deep center was pretty impressive. The Derby used to be a lot more fun to watch when there was no shortage of "enhanced" sluggers hitting 50 homers per year. Nowadays, they're so short of participants that they throw line drive hitters like Magglio Ordonez out there and they get guys like Garret Anderson winning the title. Lame.

It's time to either turn the contest into an exhibition of surrogate DHs--the Adam Dunns and Jack Custs of the world, regardless of whether or not they are "All-Stars"--or take the pageantry and prestige of the Derby down a notch.

Believe it or not, I find that the Celebrity Softball Game is doing a better job of giving the TV viewer more bang for his or her buck. What started out as a goofy cavalcade of pudgy former pros and wannabe Hollywood athletes has year by year escalated into an Armageddon of massive celebrity egos and barely veiled disdain in the grand tradition of Battle of the Network Stars. This year was a major turning point. James Denton gave a smug sideline interview. Kenny Mayne absolutely robbed Jimmy Kimmel of a home run. Even Rob Scheinder brought his A-game, for Christ's sake. And Mayne's team just kept piling on the runs in a manner reminiscent of an epic beer league mismatch. Fantastic television--why doesn't it come on until after midnight?

And the game itself? Ho-hum, another American League victory, but for once the AL's closers were almost as shaky as the NL's. Take that, Billy Wagner.

It was a rather inauspicious showing for the Phillies as well. Cole Hamels pitched an inning and avoided giving up a run thanks to Russell Martin's ungodly agility behind the plate. Enjoy those knees while they last, Russ!

Neither Utley nor Rowand collected a hit, though Chase made a nifty defensive play on Carlos Guillen in the 6th inning. Rowand, one of the best in the league with runners in scoring position this season, came up with a chance to win the game in the bottom of the 9th and promptly flied out, thus introducing a nationwide audience to the basic tenets of Phillies baseball.

Not that the Phils needed that World Series home field advantage anyway.

Your All-Misfit MLB All-Star Team

Every year, the MLB All-Star game promises us at least 9 innings of half-assed baseball, which usually feature an American League team comprised entirely of Yankees, Red Sox, and Angels starters. So much for variety--and that's even before five Cardinals take the field for the National League.

The consequences of this trend are dire. Mark Loretta has started an All-Star game (as a member of the Red Sox). So has Shea Hillenbrand (ditto). And, horror of horrors, so has David Eckstein (the Cardinals Effect).

This is to be expected, as fan voting for All-Star starters is nothing but one big fat popularity contest that the biggest and most visible franchises almost always win. Obviously, this is not a new insight, nor is it endemic to professional baseball. What I have noticed, though, is that the vast majority of the All-Star electorate doesn't really care about mediocre performance as long as they see a name they have heard before. Sport imitates life.

I pondered this as I watched the Phillies-Cubs game last night, flossing my Ryan Howard jersey (even though he didn't play), watching Chase Utley get plunked for the twelfth time, and clutching the All-Star ballot given to me by the overly suspicious corps of Phillies ushers. I thought about voting for the players that contribute the most to their team, regardless of their public stature. This is my usual custom.

But then I noticed that every single (projected) starter for every single major league club gets put on the ballot, and that's when I decided that the entire voting process is a cruel tease for the 85% of players who won't make the All-Star team. How do you think the fat kid with psoriasis feels when he sees the "Most Huggable" category in the senior poll? He knows he isn't getting any votes--at least not serious ones.

If performance doesn't seem to matter anyway, can't we try to make some poor schlub's career a bit more memorable? Consider this an appeal for an "All-Dilution" team: guys that have a starting job on a major league ballclub partially because their bodies were warm and, well, the Nationals have to put somebody at second base and center field.

Come on. Punch the chad for the yeomans of our national pastime. Do it for Ronnie Belliard. Do it for Mike Bordick. Do it for Junior Spivey, Ken Harvey, and Phil Nevin--each one adequate at best. And each one an All-Star.

The Baker Bowl's 2007 All-Misfit All-Stars:
(as found on this year's ballot; chosen regardless of current injury and on a basis of minimum 4 years of MLB service, no All-Star selections, and general mediocrity)

American League
1B: Ty Wigginton, Tampa Bay
2B: Mark Ellis, Oakland
SS: Juan Uribe, Chicago
3B: Nick Punto, Minnesota
C: Gregg Zaun, Toronto
OF: Emil Brown, Kansas City; Jay Gibbons, Baltimore; Craig Monroe, Detroit

National League
1B: Scott Hatteberg, Cincinnati
2B: Adam Kennedy, St. Louis
SS: Adam Everett, Houston
3B: Pedro Feliz, San Francisco
C: Miguel Olivo, Florida
OF: Xavier Nady, Pittsburgh; Terrmel Sledge, San Diego; Nook Logan, Washington

MLB Doesn't Care About Canada

Apparently, Major League Baseball thinks highly of the Toronto Blue Jays--why else would all their games be pay-per-view?

Though there are a few slots yet to be filled on the broadcast schedule, the Jays are one of three teams (along with Baltimore and Kansas City) to not have a single game featured on national television this season. Unless the Jays are playing your hometown team, you'll need the Extra Innings package to see any of Roy Halladay, Vernon Wells, and Co.

Conversely, Texas gets seven nationally-televised games. And FOX is presumably leaving Toronto off its schedule to give baseball fans compelling match-ups like this:

Saturday, July 21
3:30 p.m.
Colorado Rockies at Washington Nationals

Slowly but surely, the Jays are getting 'Spoed.

A Shortlist of Clubs That Have A Better Record Than The Phillies

Tampa Bay Devil Rays
Kansas City Royals
Seattle Mariners
Washington Nationals
Chicago Cubs
Colorado Rockies/Arizona Diamondbacks

What do all those teams have in common?

They all finished last in their respective divisions in 2006.

So the Phils are off to their traditional slow start, getting swept in their first series of the year for the second year in a row. Today was a further reminder that they should have spent Adam Eaton's money keeping Randy Wolf around. The Baker Bowl's new favorite player, Braves first baseman Scott Thorman, was 1 for 4 with a 2-run double.

Bright spots: Multi-hit games for Face Utley, J-Roll, Aaron Rowand, and Pat Burrell, precisely the kind of output they need to take some pressure off the Big Guy. Also, the continued dominance of the bullpen (save for Flash Gordon and Ryan Madson). Fittingly, this was the area of the team speculated to be the weakest; the Phillies once again prove that we know nothing.

Downers: Fourteen Phillies left on base. I'm almost positive that they have the most total LOB of any franchise in MLB history. Can we get Elias Sports Bureau to research that?

T-minus two games before Ryan Howard starts getting booed (if it hasn't happened already). And say hello to another bullpen arm--a former Blue Jay....heyyy.

Gills, what did I say about more Blue Jays?

Who Is Scott Thorman?

"In answer to the blogger's question, Scott Thorman is one of our finest Canadian utility infielders in an Atlanta Braves uniform." - Sean Penn

Ryan Madson continued his streak of surrendering game-clinching extra-inning home runs today (a 3-2 loss in 11 to the Bravos) as the Phillies start 0-2 for the first time since...um...last year. And as if the sight of Edgar Renteria jacking a pair out of Vet II on Monday wasn't embarrassing enough, tonight's hero was the aforementioned and (as of yet) quite unaccomplished Mr. Thorman.

But you know what? Mad Dog's not gonna settle for being the goat every night. Right?

"I just feel bad for my teammates in letting them down. Hopefully, this is the last time I do it this season."

Glad to see some accountabil...wait a second. He actually said that on Monday. Yikes.

Bright spots: Cole Hamels absolutely dealing (in a non-criminal way) for 7 innings with 8 Ks. Carlos Ruiz(!) collecting his first homer of the year. The Phils' bats waking up a bit late in the game.

Downers: The "Phillie Killer"--the marginal player who suddenly thrives when playing against Philadelphia--is alive and well. Thorman is well on his way to joining the likes of Jeff Conine and Mike Mordecai.

Let's try nailing one down tomorrow, 'kay guys?

Bud Selig Is A Baller

Professional sports, it turns out, is just as lucrative for the haggard old white guys that sit in the skyboxes as it is for the guys on the field or court or rink or pitch or bullring or whatever.

The Sports Business Journal recently reported that Bud Selig earned $14.5 million for being the commissioner of Major League Baseball in 2006--or slightly less than the entire payroll of the 2006 Florida Marlins. Their source? MLB's tax return. It's nice to know that even huge corporate trusts have to play by the rules from time to time.

The publication, citing unidentified sources, said Selig received a $6 million base salary, an equal amount in a bonus and the remainder in expenses and personal fees.

Six million? That's Gregg Jefferies money right there. But why the bonus? Does a man that foisted interleague play and the unbalanced schedule on an unwary public deserve as such?

Bud's from Wisconsin, right? That's the cradle of American progressivism. I think it's time to demand executive recall in America's pastime. Consider this a call to arms. Or, if you're a Blue Jays fan, an excuse to write a sternly-worded letter.

Selig Earned $14.5 Million In Fiscal 2005 [FoxSports.com]