Ken Caminiti Lives!

I felt the need to post this only because of my hetero man-crush on Todd Helton, who now appears to be rocking the "Goatee of Strength" sported mainly by the closers and power hitters on the late 1990s:


For some reason, it makes his face look fatter. Todd, take it from me. Growing facial hair after a lifetime of clean-shavenness has only ever worked for two people: Abraham Lincoln or the Santa-in-training in Ernest Saves Christmas, who looked like the target of an NBC Dateline sting without the beard.

Now shave it before somebody mistakes you for Robb Nen.

Barbaro Died For Your Sins

I can only hope that I am remembered in death as fondly as Barbaro, last year's Kentucky Derby winner whose broken leg turned into one of those inexplicable media events where the mechanics of making casts for tiny horse ankles were discussed with a straight face on several legitimate news programs.

Barbaro's fan club is more vast than you can imagine and wields considerable clout:

So far, they've raised more than $250,000 and saved more than 580 horses from slaughter. They've turned their sights on federal horse slaughter laws, burning up the phone lines. Their fervor can be mistaken for the handiwork of professional political operatives. One congressional aide, after yet another call, finally asked: Who is funding you? Who is organizing you? Who are you people?

A thoroughbred racing lobby? As if politicians weren't busy enough. I shouldn't worry, though. It's not like our government is set up to reward the nagging persistence and media blackmail of absurd pressure groups.

Plus, the Fans of Barbaro (who identify themselves with the unfortunate acronym "FOB") are regular, everyday, salt-of-the-earth people who can apparently read the minds of horses at will:

A tiny woman with graying blond hair and green corduroy pants rides on the screeching, rumbling Brooklyn-bound B train. Her name is Martita Goshen and she's a world-renown ballet dancer. Now, she's a FOB.

"Barbaro was in many dimensions," she says. "He looked at the whole picture. That's why he had that stumble at the Derby. He was ahead of the moment. The Zen of that. That's dancing. For the rest of my life, I'll be working to move with that innocence."

I think I finally understand the fuss now. It's simple American math.

1 American life = 5 European lives, 15 Asian lives, or 300 African lives
1 American horse's life = 1 American life, or 10 random poor people
1 missing white girl = 1 Barbaro

The Church of Barbaro [E-Ticket]

I Knew Kyle Korver Was Improving Too Quickly

As if NBA referees weren't under enough public scrutiny already, now they're being accused of racism:

Justin Wolfers, an assistant professor of business and public policy at Penn's Wharton School, and Joseph Price, a Cornell graduate student in economics, said the difference in calls "is large enough that the probability of a team winning is noticeably affected by the racial composition of the refereeing crew."

The study, conducted over a 13-season span through 2004, found that the racial makeup of a three-man officiating crew affected calls by up to 4 1/2 percent.

Sure, the refs are running a little roughshod on the league right now--recently ejecting Tim Duncan for laughing and Stephen Jackson for clapping--but to say their calls are racially motivated (specifically, white refs making calls on black players) is ridiculous.

Hey guys, ever consider that the sample size was skewed? Out of approximately 360 players in the NBA, I would make a conservative estimate that 300 of these players are at least partially African-American. Naturally, some black players are going to have fouls called on them. Black players then also have the highest statistical probability of actually benefiting from the call--i.e., taking free throws!

The point is, one actually expects white players to be underrepresented in most statistical categories simply because they do not make up a majority of NBA players. However, white players are actually overrepresented in terms of total fouls collected in a season. Out of the top 15 players with the most personal fouls each of the past 3 seasons, almost half of them are non-black (African or African-American):

2006-2007: Andris Biedrins (the league leader), Nick Collison, Kirk Hinrich, Anderson Varejao (a Brazilian), Zaza Pachulia, Zydrunas Illgauskas, Mehmet Okur

2005-2006: Nenad Krstic, Pachulia, Okur, Illgauskas, Raef LaFrentz, Chris Kaman, Andrew Bogut

2004-2005: Illgauskas, Yao Ming, Krstic, Kyle Korver (for shame!), LaFrentz (Collison was only 16th this particular year)

Along these lines, a equally shaky but less preposterous claim could be made that calls are also based on the refs' hatred for a different ethnicities or nationalities. And what about class warfare? Surely a referee doesn't care whether the fouling player is white or black, but is filled with rage about the relative size of his paycheck in comparison to even the lowliest D-League call-up.

Or the explanation could be a lot simpler: big centers and slashing guards make a lot of fouls. Duh. That's basketball.

(Should that be basketball? That's a question for another time.)

If you read about this study even once, you'll find that there are more holes in this research than there are in Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway at the end of Bonnie and Clyde. This excellent rebuttal points out that Wolfers and Price culled their data from boxscores, which only list the names of the referees and total number of fouls called on each player, as opposed to watching game film, which would indicate exactly which referee called a foul on a specific player. It also makes good points about non-calls and the subjectivity of fouls in general.

However, if we really are to dispel the notion that white referees are trying to alter the game to benefit white players and help them succeed in relation to their black peers, nobody is mentioning the biggest counterpoint available: Christian Laettner.

Case closed.

Study: White Refs Call More Fouls On Blacks [FoxSports.com]
Refs Are Bad, But They're Not Racists [FoxSports.com]

Somebody Needs A Proofreader

This is why Bartolo Colon is one of my all-time favorite players ever. I don't think one man has ever inspired more unintentionally funny headlines:

Courtesy WSOC Eyewitness News

Reminds me of the time I started a wall-of-fame of LA Times headlines that included things like "Colon Injury Cause for Concern."

A Sneak Peak At Tomorrow's Phillies Lineup

Insights on building a Major League lineup from the desk of Charlie Manuel, who has used a different lineup every day for the past seven days:

1. Freddy Garcia, P
- Just to shake things up a bit

2. Pat Burrell, LF
- Remember to substitute Michael Bourn as a pinch runner in the 6th so he can strike out with the bases loaded in the 8th

3. Chase Utley, 2B
- Gee, this Sharpie smells so nice, I almost can't hear Pretty Boy begging for a day off

4. Jim Thome, DH

Whoops, just went on autopilot for a second there.

4. Jimmy Rollins, SS
- A projected 56 HRs? To cleanup you go!

5. The Phillie Phanatic, RF
- Need a widebody masher in the five-hole; wonder if his strike zone will be too big though; his physique reminds me of someone familiar

6. Greg Dobbs, 1B
- Ryan needs to regain his confidence by sitting on the bench next to Chris Coste; plus his name rhymes with "Hobbs" and The Natural was a sweet movie

7. Wesbraham Nunelms, 3B
- Football coaches get to make "game time decisions," why can't I? (Also: talk to Gillick about creating a new starting pitcher from the combined DNA of Charles Nagy and Bartolo Colon)

8. Carlos Ruiz, C
- Barajas played last night, right?

9. Aaron Rowand, CF
- My baseball instincts tell me he's in for a slump, but he kind of looks like that Ali G guy, so I can't bench him

Reminder: clutch the dugout fence and grit your teeth extra-hard tonight. We're on ESPN, after all.

Phillies Notes: Ryan Howard, Baseball Diva

While scouring YouTube for some more Andrew Bird videos, I learned that Ryan Howard was a guest on David Letterman's show earlier this month. How this slipped by me I'll never know, but for now I'll blame my roomie's preference for watching the depressing, hollow shell of a man that used to be Jay Leno.

Now, in light of everything written about Big Ry this spring, check out this video of Jimmy Rollins and Howard arriving at the show:



I'm sure his phone call was very important. Maybe it was a holla from Jared the Subway Guy.

- Just when I start bitching about lineups, Laid-Back Charlie throws this doozy at me. Rowand leading off? J-Roll in the Bobby Abreu Position? Wes Helms at first?

The inmates are truly running the asylum, because it's hard to tell what anyone's roles are anymore. Carlos Ruiz and Rod Barajas (despite attending the School of Hitting) seem to switch off every day. Whenever Jayson Werth gets playing time, he shows he's just as capable as Pat Burrell, or at least Shane Victorino. And no matter who gets called to pitch the 9th inning, it's always a headache. Your latest victim: Antonio Alfonseca.

- Speaking of losing, there's still plenty of time to enter the official "Baker Bowl Road to 10K" pool. The magic number is now 30 losses and counting. The rules are at the end of this post.

I should also clarify that I really do have the Nomar bobblehead--my fee for temporary Dodger fanhood services rendered, namely booing the shit out of Barry Bonds. Because he's just rude.

In Brief: 2007 NFL Draft

Finally, the Philadelphia Eagles have had a draft that the Baker Bowl can get behind.

Even considering the brittleness of Donovan McNabb, the Eagles seemed set at quarterback considering the brilliant acquisition of Kelly Holcomb and Andy Reid's grade-school crush on A.J. Feeley. Then, as it so often does in Philadelphia, the other shoe dropped:



In a weak draft year for quarterbacks, the University of Houston's Kevin Kolb is no Brady Quinn. In fact, he's barely Drew Stanton. Beyond the lack of any visible need at the QB spot, what made this pick even more puzzling was the fact that Kolb is very much a "system" quarterback. Anybody can put up big numbers in college when you're throwing the ball 60 times a game. The names of fellow Cougars Andre Ware and David Klingler should be sending chills down the spines of Iggles fans everywhere.

Beyond that, the Eagles uncharacteristically traded down with a division rival and also drafted a guy with two first names (can't trust those people) who resembles somebody familiar.

This is the type of quixotic draft straight out of the Mike Mamula Era that we know and love, rivaled this year by only the Miami Dolphins (the obvious reach for Ted Ginn and the overlooked insanity of the John Beck pick--Dolphins fans, get ready for your own BYU/Ty Detmer flashbacks) and the Detroit Lions (the world's greatest destroyers of first-round wideouts).

Kevin Kolb Selected By Eagles...Kevin Who? [The 700 Level]