Philling In: Night of the Living Burrell

Ed's Note: Henceforth I shall abandon the bland "Phillies Notes" tag and, at long last, correctly recognize all my random, half-developed observations for the filler they are.

Pat Burrell is like a Nilla Wafer. He's never quite as good as you remember him or want him to be, but since the recipe remains consistent you're never really that upset.

I mention this because Jerry Crasnick has compiled some sort of "Back from the Dead" all-star team, and numero uno is none other than Pat the Bat. Besides establishing Pat in the same company as hot baseball commodities Jeff Weaver and Julio Lugo, Crasnick makes the same point that I try to make to a lot of Burrell-bashers: despite all the booing, he always comes back, yeoman-like, and puts up a vague approximation of the stats he's always had (save for 2003). Sure, he's losing steps and he's a streaky hitter, but he's streaky in a sabermetric-y way, usually finding his way out of the woods by the end of the season. Most guys regress to the mean, but the Big Vanilla--especially this year--usually finds himself ascending to the mean. If he doesn't finish the season in the neighborhood of .270/25/85, I will eat the sleeves off my Terrell Owens jersey.

Also notable is Crasnick's comment describing Burrell's chronic under-achievement:

Burrell had just failed to make an All-Star team for the eighth straight season

Total number of seasons Pat Burrell has played in the majors: 8
Total number of All-Star teams Burrell has failed to make: 8

I don't think you should be allowed to frame it as a statistical drought if it's never even occurred once. This shocks me, actually. Even Von Hayes, the patron saint of Phillies bloggers and in many ways a spiritual forefather to Burrell, made it to the Midsummer Classic at least once.

I know who I'm ironically stuffing the ballot box for next year.

- Looking at last night's box score, a single number jumped out and grabbed me by the throat--1. It represents the first (and maybe last) stolen base of Ryan Howard's career. I somehow missed the game even though it was on FSN here on the West Coast and have been searching YouTube in vain for video confirmation of this milestone. The Subway diet is clearly producing results.

- An addendum to yesterday's musings on injuries: according to this item, of the 25 players on the Phillies' Opening Day roster, only 9 of them have not spent time on the disabled list this year. Improbably, Aaron Rowand is one of the nine men out (of the trainer's room....da-da KISH!).

- Speaking of Rowand, the FSN Prime Ticket announcing team of Charley Steiner (who didn't sound like Charley Steiner at all) and Steve Lyons (whom I dislike) could not stop waxing poetic about the dude. You'd have thought he saved their cat from a tree or something. When Lyons broke the tension and used the timeworn cliché, "He's the kind of guy who gets his uniform dirty, the kind of guy that comes to play every day," it really made me think.

If Rowand comes to play every day and gets dirty, then he must be the Phillies' MVP. Compared to everyone else, he's the most deserving of praise and is singlehandedly keeping the team afloat. Think about it.

Jimmy Rollins shows up every day but is a very well-groomed fellow, so he can't be worth as much. Cole Hamels only comes to play every five days. Brett Myers will come to play every day, but only if the Phils have a slim lead. And that charlatan, Abraham Nunez, comes to play every few days and only then for the last couple innings. What a jerk.

Almost makes me pine for Wheels and Sarge.