In Brief: Fantasy Baseball Draft 2007

Almost anyone who plays fantasy sports casually will tell you that having more than one team in any particular sport can be a nightmare. Only the most serious of roto-jockeys can pull it off. For the rest of us, the existential quandaries of rooting for division rivals are burdensome enough (I find rooting for the Marlins the toughest).

The only time that I consider changing my attitude towards this unwritten rule is my "local" league's annual draft--it's a time for bonding with old friends (and sometimes family) back home through constant smack talk and the pretense that you actually know what you are doing. There's a heavy tendency to pick guys you personally like year after year despite mounting evidence of their diminishing skills; I call this the Todd Helton Syndrome. On the other hand, there are lots of other times where people make "impression" picks, as in "aren't you impressed that I know so much more than you about baseball to pick Felipe Lopez, even though the trade-off for 30 more steals is the power stroke of a Pony Leaguer?"

But the highlight for me is the banter between myself ("The Fuzz") and my good friend Boat ("The Boats"). There's so much posturing and blatant disregard for conventional methods of team-building that we could probably get internships in the Devil Rays' front office:

With the 87th pick in the draft, the The Fuzz select J.J. Putz.
The Boats: J.J. Putz, are you kidding me?
The Fuzz: when he racks up 40 saves you'll be eating crow
With the 91st pick in the draft, the The Boats select Dontrelle Willis.
The Fuzz: and i do not accept criticism from a man who picks the D-Train

With the 115th pick in the draft, the The Boats select Barry Bonds.
The Fuzz: OH NO HE DIDN'T
The Boats: any man who does that many steroids is on my team anyday
The Fuzz: I believe Ryan Franklin is still available
The Boats: i just wish randy orton and eddie guerrero were available

The Boats: I really wanna take evan longoria because i think he might be married to tony parker.

Like every year, I'm mildly satisfied about the team I drafted, even though half of them will probably be gone by season's end. I'm especially proud of my outfield, which should kick ass if Vernon Wells doesn't become too content, MaggliFro Ordonez stays consistent, and Nick Markakis captures that Greek baseball mojo that Kevin Youkilis dropped on his way to McDonald's.

Hey, at least he's not on steroids.