The NBA Was Entertaining Way Before David Blaine Got Involved

"Street magician" and all-around empty vessel David Blaine has teamed up with the NBA to shoot a commercial that will air during the Finals. And what NBA city had the honor of hosting the shooting?

Why, Philadelphia, of course! (Scroll to the bottom of the page, but not before checking out the bonus picture of Marc Howard with his arm in a sling.)

Why the NBA summoned Blaine from his hyperbaric sleeping chamber, I'll never know. But they didn't have to add insult to the injury of a terrible-but-it-got-better-at-the-end Sixers season. Blaine and his street-performing ilk belong in New York or Los Angeles, where behavior like encasing yourself in ice for a week or jumping off an 80-foot platform into a bunch of cardboard boxes is accepted.

That being said, the NBA is arguably the most exciting professional sports league of the past year and a half. This year's playoffs are an excellent microcosm of what I'm talking about: a multitude of likable (and detestable) stars, many teams with differing styles of play, and a level of competitiveness above that of any league except perhaps Major League Baseball (even the Magic played the Pistons close in their series). And all this before I even mention the Golden State Warriors Party Bus.

I therefore decree that David Blaine is allowed to do an NBA commercial as long as it highlights the league and isn't self-aggrandizing in any way. Suggestions for possible "illusions" include:

- Survive a week enclosed in a meat locker with Ron Artest
- 2 hours of passing drills with Sebastian Telfair
- Sit through an entire Atlanta Hawks game
- Saw Gilbert Arenas's left knee in half as an alternative to arthroscopic surgery
- Make Billy King disappear

(They don't even need a fully-functioning website to get their point across)

The NBA Is So Damned Cool Sometimes [Deadspin]

Phillies Notes: A Numbers Game

In between his training sessions with Apollo Creed, Aaron Rowand is quickly becoming the latest, greatest Philly sports hero. His 4-for-5 performance (including a home run) against Florida on Friday extended his hitting streak to 15 games.

This game was the quintessence of Phillies baseball and another reason for me to rue the fact that I can't see any of the games while I'm out on the West Coast. You had J-Roll and Face Utley keying a dramatic comeback in the eighth until Tom "Yugo" Gordon promptly gave up the lead the very next inning.

Luckily for the Phils, rampant expansion has appeared to have the same depleting effect on nearly every team's bullpen, and they rallied for the win behind another Rowand single and Carlos Ruiz's clutch, um, infield grounder for the winning RBI. (Ruiz is actually proving me very wrong so far, both with his offense and defense--two Marlins caught stealing.)

Friday's lineup was notable in that Rowand is now apparently batting sixth instead of seventh, due to his current hot streak. In my mind, this is a big mistake and gives me a chance to expound on what's wrong with the conventions of setting the order of a baseball lineup.

The "conventional wisdom" on the order of hitters is skewed towards instant gratification. This is odd since baseball, more than most sports, seems to reward patience and careful planning. Yet every single lineup is ordered to maximize the potential of scoring a run in the very first inning.

Why? "Playing the percentages" has always been laughable to me in a profession where a thirty percent success rate (for hitters) is seen as exceptional. I would much prefer a method employed by the best Little League coach I ever had--spread out of some of your more consistent hitters. On the H.L.S. Orioles, we always had a big bopper at the top, in the middle, and near the bottom of the lineup. We were all skeptical at first, but the stigma of batting seventh or eighth quickly wore off once we saw the results: a complete lineup where it was nearly impossible to string together more than one "easy out."

If Rowand stays in the sixth spot, the last three lineup spots look something like this:

7. Wes Helms
8. Catching platoon (Barajas and Ruiz)
9. Starting pitcher

It's good strategy to "protect" your best hitter, but it's just as smart to protect some of your weakest--especially a guy like Helms, who's a solid contact hitter if he gets to see a few good pitches. I would even advocate Rowand dropping to eighth every now and then, considering the top-to-bottom strength of the Phillies lineup, as they always seem to get in situations where the eighth spot makes the last out and the pitcher's spot has to lead off in the next inning.

Bottom line, I'm tired of situations that put a lot of pressure on the heart of the order to close a deficit because they know the "weaker" half of the lineup has even less of a chance to produce runs. Because, more often than not, what we end up with is Abraham Nunez failing at a closer's fastball to end the game. GODDAMN IT, we need some sabermatricians up in here. Think outside the box, people!

A few more significant numbers:

- Utley plunked again on Thursday against the Nationals and now up to 8 HBPs. He had 14 all of last season and now has 39 on his career.

- Rollins hits his eighth homer from the leadoff spot, tying a National League record for the month of April. The Major League record is 11, by Brady "Totally Not on Steroids" Anderson in 1996.

- The Phils have won six of their last eight to climb into a tie for third place in the NL East with the Marlins. Man, do I hate the Marlins, who have won more championships in the past decade than the Phillies have in well over a century of baseball. And I'm not alone.

- As certain sectors of the media have observed, the Phillies franchise is closing in on 10,000 losses, by far the most of any professional sports franchise. The magic number is currently 32.

I am hereby establishing an informal pool to guess the date/opponent and score of the 10,000th loss. The winner will receive a congratulatory post and a 2007 Nomar Garciaparra LA Dodgers bobblehead. Guesses can be posted as comments on any entry until May 6. Here's a schedule for reference.

My official guess: July 3, at Houston, 7-1. Good luck!

Does This Mean Tom Gordon Is A Yugo?

Phillies GM Pat Gillick is semi-famous for doing a lot of his player scouting in person, and it's a rather open secret that the Phils could use an upgrade at the closer position.

Under these circumstances, this item from Jayson Stark's latest column is quite intriguing:

One scout who has been following the Nationals has this review of closer Chad Cordero: "He's Eddie Guardado. You watch him and you say, 'Oh my god.' But somehow, he does it." Admirable as it may be, though, to have a closer who just guts his way through the ninth, Cordero's lack of pure stuff will make him tough to trade for the two or three impact arms the Nationals have asked back for him. "I don't have a problem paying for a Cadillac as long as I'm getting a Cadillac," the same scout says. "I like Cutlasses, too. But they don't price them like Cadillacs."

At Gillick's age, he might personally prefer a Buick, but he's certainly got enough money surplus arms for a real Caddy (that zigs!). And despite my "No more Mariners" moratorium, I would much rather prefer this guy.

Myers for Putz: quick, do it before the Braves get in the picture!

Rumblings and Grumblings, 4-26-07 [ESPN]

Curt Schilling Can't Catch A Break

Curt Schilling has not been getting along with the media early on this season. First he was antagonized over the whole Dan Shaughnessy imbroglio (all evidence of which has been curiously removed from Schill's blog).

Now he's being called a fraud by Gary Thorne (vis a vis Doug Mirabelli) during Wednesday's Bosox-Orioles broadcast for supposedly faking the famous "bloody sock" during the 2004 ALCS:

In the bottom of the fifth, Orioles play-by-play man Gary Thorne said on the air that he had been told by Red Sox catcher Doug Mirabelli that the substance was paint, not blood.

"The great story we were talking about the other night was that famous red stocking that he wore when they finally won, the blood on his stocking," Thorne told broadcast partner and Hall of Fame pitcher Jim Palmer.

"Nah," Thorne said. "It was painted. Doug Mirabelli confessed up to it after. It was all for PR. Two-ball, two-strike count."

I like how Throne dropped that potentially libelous bombshell and, without skipping a beat, kept moving on with the play-by-play.

This can't be true. He's a hockey guy, for Pete's sake! What the hell is he doing calling Orioles games? (Though I imagine they both get similar ratings.)

Schill loves the limelight, but I don't know--that looks pretty legit to me. After making himself look like a total Valley Girl, I think Thorne can forget about getting that Christmas card this year.

Curt Schilling Accused of Being Self-Aggrandizing. Really. [Deadspin]
Mirabelli Denies Saying Bloody Sock Wasn't Real [ESPN]

And That's The Bottom Line, 'Cause Tony Stewart Said So

Though I am not a fan of NASCAR, I've always been a fan of Tony Stewart. He's the enfant terrible of the stock car set (he even still has his baby fat!), like auto racing's answer to Mark Cuban. Plus he kinda looks like Vince Vaughn.

The point is that Tony is constantly calling people out on their bullshit, no matter how much he looks like an ass for doing it. This is probably why he has his own show on satellite radio, where he recently vented on surreptitious late-race caution flags:

"It's like playing God," he said on his Sirius Satellite Radio program. "They can almost dictate the race instead of the drivers doing it. It's happened too many times this year."

"I guess NASCAR thinks, 'Hey, wrestling worked, and it was for the most part staged, so I guess it's going to work in racing, too,'" he said. "I can't understand how long the fans are going to let NASCAR treat them like they're stupid before the fans finally turn on NASCAR."

First of all, nobody's going to turn on NASCAR. They already have millions of people convinced that souped-up family sedans driving in circles for a few hundred miles is highly compelling. I don't think they're gonna care that they are now getting big crashes and close finishes.

Second of all, Stewart's comments are oddly insightful. NASCAR's business model isn't too far removed from wrestling in the sense that they polarize public opinion between their large, loyal fanbase and their equally large legion of detractors, which only inspires the fans to rally around the colors with even greater devotion.

All of which gets me to thinking: exactly what type of pro wrestlers would NASCAR drivers be?

Well, at the Baker Bowl, our policy is, "Insinuate and you shall receive an answer you never really requested."

Tony Stewart is like...



Rowdy Roddy Piper: a misanthropic blowhard constantly getting on people's nerves; supposed to be a bad guy but is a fan favorite due to his colorful personality; both of Anglo-European extraction.

Jeff Gordon is like...



John Cena: all-around good guy with meteoric rise to fame and success; constantly pushed as the public face of his organization; universally hated by a majority of fans for being a bland, weak-ass poser.

Mark Martin is like...


The Undertaker: immensely popular holdover from the old school; doesn't know he's severely dated but can't quit the game; facial features that have withered with the passage of time.

Dale Earnhardt, Jr. is like...


"Stone Cold" Steve Austin: colossal badass with ex post facto street cred; fundamentally associated with alcoholic beverages.

Actually, Dale Jr. might be a lot more The Rock if you consider his awkward attempts at mainstream stylishness and cross-cultural appeal.

Keep on trying to diversify that fanbase, NASCAR!

Smackdown! Stewart Wrasslin' With NASCAR Way [ESPN]

Chase Utley Needs Some Ice

Chase Utley is the kind of scrappy, do-anything-to-win player that Philly fans adore. His uniform is usually anything but sparking clean at the end of a game.

This year it seems he's been inspired by Jimmy Rollins to jump out to an early lead in his own statistical category: the hit by pitch. He's up to seven on the year already after being drilled by Micah Bowie to lead off the 7th inning in today's victory over Washington--a feat that allowed him to score the go-ahead run later in the inning. With a commanding 3-bean lead, he's well on his way to becoming this generation's Craig Biggio.

(As a team, the Phils have 13 HPB, which is most likely tops in the majors; I can't be sure since I can't find a place that keeps track of things like that.)

With tonight's late inning rally, the good signs keep popping up for the Phillies, even if it takes Chase getting popped in the shoulder a few times. Amusingly, Nationals manager Manny Acta had this to say:

"Baseball is like boxing. If you don't hit, the other guy is going to hit you back."

I think his pitching staff misunderstood him.

And as my pop says--Don't rub it, Chase!

Remembering David Halberstam

Famed author David Halberstam died yesterday in a car crash at the age of 73. Though he was known mostly as a "serious" journalist, his indulgence in sportswriting often produced work just as illuminating and insightful.

He are some of his thoughts on Allen Iverson in the midst of the 2001 NBA Finals:

But if they are what they do is the test, then Iverson passes it handsomely this year. In a nation where too many people have what is now called attitude without talent, or attitude without passion, he has, it seems to me, all three, and ironically the more passion he displays, miraculously the less attitude we see -- as if he has forgotten that in addition to playing so hard he also has to stick his finger in the world's eye...

Much of this, I think, comes from the psyche of Iverson. He seems to me to be lionhearted. He is supremely talented as well. He has not just played hurt, he has played very hurt. So have his teammates.

He has been the invincible man, refusing again and again, when faced with opponents who have superior ability, to lose. He has driven himself and his teammates to a level where they normally would not be. He has helped take a team that is, in a technical sense, not necessarily that talented, and not only lifted it to the Finals, but he has made it competitive with an L.A. team that appeared ready to roll over it just as it had rolled over everyone else lately.

Not only is Halberstam's writing striking in its evocation of that specific time and place--late June 2001, when A.I. polarized basketball fans in every way imaginable while carrying the Sixers through the playoffs on his back--it is remarkable how willing he was to embrace the new.

Instead of exclusively waxing nostalgic about the past and throwing his arms up in indignation at the present, here's a writer who sought out a common thread in the values he admired in athletes. More than anything, he showed us that the merits of sport at any given point in time should not be determined by who is playing the game, but rather how it is played.

In Admiration of Iverson [Page 2]

Phillies Notes: It's Clobberin' Time!

Jimmy Rollins is once again all alone as your National League leader in home runs after today's blowout win against the Astros. What's more, he was only a double away from the cycle.

The Phillies are doing all sorts of interesting things lately. They turned a triple play against the Reds on Saturday, which I forgot to mention before. Chase Utley hit a ball into Ashburn Alley. Unconfirmed reports state that Adam Eaton struck out 7, but the Baker Bowl's factual accuracy department is investigating the possibility of a hoax.

Furthermore, this was technically the rescheduled third game of last weekend's 3-game series. So the Phillies have pulled off the unique feat of winning the rubber games of two different series consecutively. I hope that makes sense, because it's sorta cool.

Meanwhile, the team continues to tear the cover off the ball, giving the fans their first glimmer of false hope that this is the year they finally overcome their slow start and make a playoff run. I mean, they're beating the hell out of mediocre pitching in hitter's parks. Four regulars are hitting over .300--and one of them is Pat Burrell!

Yes, Virginia, with their offensive obsession, the Phillies belong in the American League. But as long as they are winning series and, at the same time, playing well, it doesn't matter one bit.

Also: Forbes ranks the Phillies as the 9th most valuable MLB franchise (net worth: $457 million) in their annual "Business of Baseball" feature. They also had an operating income of $11.3 million (or approximately $200K for every Ryan Howard home run) last year, so don't feel bad about sneaking your hoagies into the games.

Uncle Cholly-Isms [Bugs & Cranks]
The Business of Baseball [Forbes Magazine]

The Patron Saint of Rec Specs

Today's new technology, what with its contact lenses, Lasik surgeries, and flip-down shades, has all but eradicated glasses and goggles from baseball fashion. Even Eric Gagne has given up the ghost.

And that's a damn shame. Guys like late-80s Greg Maddux and mid-90s LaTroy Hawkins were role models for aspiring four-eyed ballplayers (not to mention mustache aficionados):

As a youngster whose extreme near-sightedness forced me to strap on some goggles, I learned that there were no lack of heroes for a bespectacled Little Leaguer like myself to look up to. They were the true warriors in the sport, the guys who weren’t afraid to face a pitcher despite the knowledge that an errant fastball could easily imbed shards of glass into their foreheads.

Now I only used Rec Specs for basketball, but I can remember appreciating the thick plastic bars protecting my face as one of the fringe benefits of being a peewee catcher. However, I could not fit the catcher's mask over my well-proportioned head while wearing my glasses. I had to take them off every time I put on the mask and then get someone to slide them through the wide "eye slot."

This was just before parents began to demand highly specialized and "safer" baseball gear; whatever, I played without batting gloves, rocked a $5 athletic supporter, got drilled in the hip more times than I can count and I'm still here.

Anyway, glasses don't project a very intimidating, athletic look--Rec Specs even less so. All the myopic kids on the diamond needed their own hero, someone who played defense with aplomb and batted like a journeyman infielder. They needed a patron saint:


Christopher Andrew Sabo: your '93 Fleer card was my favorite, but I can't argue with the classic illustrated Donruss Diamond Kings. You used a corked bat once, but I can forgive you for that. You were a Rookie of the Year, a three time All-Star and a World Series Champion with the 1990 Cincinnati Reds.

But more importantly, you were an inspiration. Whenever I was afraid a botched curveball would hit me in the face, you were right there with me. Thank you, Chris Sabo, on behalf of ocular-challenged athletes everywhere.

Tom Henke's Army [Joe Sports Fan]

Take That, Nationals

Take a bow, Charlie!

It only took 17 games for the 2007 Philadelphia Phillies to finally get two consecutive wins and their first series victory of the season. This compares favorably to the seminal 1997 squad, which took 15 games to complete the same feat.

Apparently there was a team meeting that took place before Saturday's game that is attributed to the team's little turnaround. I'd say what the Phils needed was a nice big dose of Vitamin C:

Cole Hamels went the distance with 15 Ks on Saturday, followed by a solid performance by Freddy Garcia today. Can we stop the insanity now? Brett Myers is still this team's "ace" like Robin Williams is still "funny." Let's be real. Hamels took the No. 1 spot last August and hasn't let go since then.

It's been a euphoric weekend in general. The top third of the order is hitting again (and Pat Burrell is still over .300). Chase Utley stole a base. Tom Gordon, despite his best efforts, didn't blow a game. And most importantly, Ryan Howard returned and hit his second home run of the year. Who cares if runners are stealing on Carlos Ruiz at a rate that would alarm the MPAA?

Essentially, everyone is playing to their potential for this brief moment in time. The result: the Phillies are out of the cellar. Hopefully it'll stay that way after this week's upcoming blood feud with the gNats.

I'm shocked. There's nothing substantially negative to say right now.




Ha! Almost fooled myself there. The very same day the Phils climbed out of last place, a top of the table clash in the NL East served as a reminder of how difficult it is to overcome such a slow start. The Mets and the Braves hit the ground running and have already built a 5-game lead over Philly.

Remember when Scott Rolen said he used to get depressed playing for the Phillies because after a brief winning streak in July, he'd open the paper and discover that they were still 15 games behind?

Well, everyone should just avoid the Inquirer for the rest of the month, take a deep breath, and remember--it's just two games.