April 'Mania > March Madness

We're in for one of the better sports weekends in recent memory--the Final Four, MLB's Opening Day, Mavs-Suns on Sunday, the NHL playoffs shakeout.

But all of this is nothing compared to the true capstone of the weekend, an annual sporting event that rivals the pageantry of the Olympics, the high stakes of the Super Bowl, and the tedium of the World Series of Poker: WrestleMania.

On this Sunday night, the 23rd incarnation of the WWE's glamor event will take place at Ford Field, the home of the Detroit Lions, thus continuing the venue's streak of hosting sporting events with predetermined outcomes.

This year's big main event is the so-called "Battle of the Billionaires" between the handpicked "representatives" of Vince McMahon and Donald Trump. It is also stipulated as a "hair vs. hair" match, as the benefactor of the losing wrestling will have his head shaved. This all started with a bizarre series of sketches on WWE television that spoofed The Donald's feud with Rosie O'Donnell, which led to Trump's classy decision to "challenge" McMahon. On top of all this madness is the return of "Stone Cold" Steve Austin as guest referee, which means he will preside over the match objectively and not factor into the outcome at all.

This match encapsulates everything that is so wrong and so right about WrestleMania, an almost grotesque allure that is like rubbernecking at a really bad car accident. And for the record, we're supposed to be rooting against McMahon. Yeah, right.

A quick tidbit: as part of the festivities, the Wild Samoans are being inducted into the WWE's Hall of Fame, joining the ranks of Hulk Hogan, Bret Hart, and Pete Rose (really). Nowadays, the Samoans run a wrestling school out of Allentown, PA, where I went to more than one birthday party as a youngster. I'll never forget how excited I was to meet them and bounce wildly around the ring, trying to outmuscle similarly puny 9-year-olds. The Samoans are truly nice people--congrats, guys!