Phillies Fan in Pittsburgh

I got the opportunity to go to all three games of the Phillies-Pirates series in Pittsburgh last weekend, and I wrote a fan report for The 700 Level. You can check it out here.

The Patron Saint of Rec Specs

Today's new technology, what with its contact lenses, Lasik surgeries, and flip-down shades, has all but eradicated glasses and goggles from baseball fashion. Even Eric Gagne has given up the ghost.

And that's a damn shame. Guys like late-80s Greg Maddux and mid-90s LaTroy Hawkins were role models for aspiring four-eyed ballplayers (not to mention mustache aficionados):

As a youngster whose extreme near-sightedness forced me to strap on some goggles, I learned that there were no lack of heroes for a bespectacled Little Leaguer like myself to look up to. They were the true warriors in the sport, the guys who weren’t afraid to face a pitcher despite the knowledge that an errant fastball could easily imbed shards of glass into their foreheads.

Now I only used Rec Specs for basketball, but I can remember appreciating the thick plastic bars protecting my face as one of the fringe benefits of being a peewee catcher. However, I could not fit the catcher's mask over my well-proportioned head while wearing my glasses. I had to take them off every time I put on the mask and then get someone to slide them through the wide "eye slot."

This was just before parents began to demand highly specialized and "safer" baseball gear; whatever, I played without batting gloves, rocked a $5 athletic supporter, got drilled in the hip more times than I can count and I'm still here.

Anyway, glasses don't project a very intimidating, athletic look--Rec Specs even less so. All the myopic kids on the diamond needed their own hero, someone who played defense with aplomb and batted like a journeyman infielder. They needed a patron saint:


Christopher Andrew Sabo: your '93 Fleer card was my favorite, but I can't argue with the classic illustrated Donruss Diamond Kings. You used a corked bat once, but I can forgive you for that. You were a Rookie of the Year, a three time All-Star and a World Series Champion with the 1990 Cincinnati Reds.

But more importantly, you were an inspiration. Whenever I was afraid a botched curveball would hit me in the face, you were right there with me. Thank you, Chris Sabo, on behalf of ocular-challenged athletes everywhere.

Tom Henke's Army [Joe Sports Fan]

Take Me Out to the Used Vinyl Store

I don't know much about Minnesota-based indie outfit The Hold Steady except that they're popular with the Village Voice-reading coffeehouse crowd. They are apparently also huge Minnesota Twins fans, as their recently-leaked interpretation of the stadium standard "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" will attest.

Give it a listen, if you're man enough.

Done?

Hmm...kind of what you expected, no? It's interesting to say the least. It seems to fit the vibe of the franchise and its fans (i.e. paler than white). And though I'm wary of the self-conscious hipster set invading our nation's baseball stadiums with their roguish haircuts, corduroy sport coats, and black horn-rimmed glasses (even though they have 20/20 vision), I think this idea of team-specific theme songs has merit. Is there any way we can enlist Sufjan Stevens for this project?

On second thought, a team's theme song should reflect the local flavor and franchise history--like the way they do it in European soccer--and should therefore be performed by a native artist or in a style unique to the area. To wit, we could have a hyphy tune in Oakland, an R.E.M. ballad for the Braves, and whatever the hell Paul Wall does in Houston.

Of course, this gets me thinking about the possibilities in Philadelphia. Will Smith is out of the question. He's been dead to me ever since he said Philly was merely "jiggy" and characterized Miami as "bringin' the heat, fo' real." Turncoat.

I've narrowed it down to 3 possibilities: some nice blue-eyed soul from Hall and Oates, a funkafied instrumental from MFSB, or a wholly inappropriate and juvenile pop-rap song from the Bloodhound Gang (who have written song titles like "I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks").

I think it's obvious what I would cheer loudest for.

Take Me Out to the Indie Rock Ballgame [Best Week Ever]

Rubén Amaro, Jr. Is Watching You

Major League Baseball recently revealed that since 2005, all 30 teams have been using a "chaperone" system to monitor players notified that they are taking a drug test as a way to prevent any Onterrio Smith-style urine tampering.

"Players may not be aware they're under observation, but we're watching," baseball executive vice president Rob Manfred was quoted as saying. "It doesn't mean we tell them we're watching."

Three general managers are monitors, 18 assistant GMs, four vice presidents, four directors of baseball operations. The title of the other monitor wasn't disclosed.

Actually, the article is wrong. The last monitor is Heywood Jablome, Executive Assistant to the General Manager of the San Francisco Giants.

Now if MLB could implement that designated-driver program, everything would be just peachy.

Major League Teams Secretly Monitoring Drug Tests [ESPN.com]

MLB Predictions 2007

Do you hear that, Bud? No, they're not saying, "boo." They're saying "Booooo-onds!"

Wait a second. They are saying "boo." They must not have DirectTV. For their sake, let's do a quick rundown of what this 2007 season should look like with the anticipated order of finish in each division. We'll start in the National League--age before beauty, you know?

NL EAST

New York Mets: I'm waiting for the inevitable "Wright to Reyes to Delgado" poem; Omar Minaya's just waiting for Pedro.
Philadelphia Phillies: If they don't win the wild card...it'll be just like the last 3 years.
Florida Marlins: Run for your lives! It's Global Warming!
Atlanta Braves: Bobby Cox realized he didn't have vertigo after all once Leo Mazzone left, just in time for the Braves' free-fall.
Washington Nationals: It turns out that Dick Cheney is responsible for Nick Johnson's injury, too.

NL CENTRAL

Chicago Cubs: Because if pigs can be made of iron, then I also believe they can fly.
Milwaukee Brewers: Do we have an over/under on when Prince Fielder starts hitting 300-foot singles just like his dad?
St. Louis Cardinals: Don't worry, Tony LaRussa's got the keys to this bus. Wait, yikes!
Houston Astros: They've got a Woody and a Wandy on the hill. Somebody stop them before it gets awkward.
Pittsburgh Pirates: Wow, Freddy Sanchez won the batting title last year?
Cincinnati Reds: Good news: most of this Cincinnati team is not in jail.

NL WEST

Los Angeles Dodgers of Los Angeles: Spending like the Mets with even less to show for it since 1995.
San Diego Padres: Khalil Greene looks like Spicoli. All I need are some tasty waves, the Giles brothers, and I'm set, brah.
Arizona Diamondbacks: Will Stephen Drew live up to his reputation as the less douchey Drew?
Colorado Rockies: The last purple team in Major League Baseball.
San Francisco Giants: Barry Bonds ending his career in last place. Poetic justice?

AL EAST

Boston Red Sox: And Theo Epstein will have Tom Brady's baby.
New York Yankees: Is their Opening Day starter really Carl Pavano? Damn.
Toronto Blue Jays: I'd root for them, but that's like rooting for the humans in Alien vs. Predator.
Tampa Bay Devil Rays: But they'll probably finish in the cellar again.
Baltimore Orioles: The Cal Ripken III cloning project is still 8 years from completion.

AL CENTRAL

Cleveland Indians: Still less racist than the Redskins.
Detroit Tigers: By season's end, will have more dead arms than the city morgue. Not that people ever get killed in Detroit.
Minnesota Twins: The Duke Blue Devils of professional baseball.
Chicago White Sox: Who will Ozzie slur next? The elderly? The handicapped? Darin Erstad?
Kansas City Royals: Remember that year the Royals were barely over .500, thus kicking in a clause in Mike Sweeney's contract that tied him to the team for even longer? Shakespearean.

AL WEST

Anaheim Angels of California: If they win the pennant, my biker dad says that he'll take me out of foster care and we'll be a family again.
Oakland Athletics: Just say no to the Fremont A's.
Texas Rangers: Hey everybody, Sammy Sosa can speak English again. It's a miracle!
Seattle Mariners: One of these years, the M's will have more losses than Ichiro has hits.

Unreasonable Doubt: The 2007 Philadelphia Phillies

One time, on an installment of "Battle of the Jaywalk All-Stars," Jay Leno posed the following question to his collection of pathetic humanoids: "What is the 'City of Brotherly Love'?"

The first contestant stammered, "Texas?" (I swear I did not make that up). The next contestant replied with absolute certainty, "San Francisco, because, well...you know."

Now, this man's answer was completely wrong and his reasoning slightly offensive. But if his sentiment was applied to, say this year's Phillies squad, I understand it wholeheartedly.

I've never been more excited to see a Phillies team start a season; even more excited than the season Jim Thome came to town. I get the sense that a lot of Phillies fans feel something similar. For many of us, this is a frightening, alien emotion--optimism. But believe me when I say that the 2007 Philadelphia Phillies have 90-win potential, a milestone they haven't reached that 1993 dream (fluke?) season. And after four seasons of 85, 88, 86, and 86 wins (and 12, 2, 10, and 15 games out of first place, respectively), something has to give.

The upgrades to third base, catcher, and (especially) the rotation are surely enough to nab the wild card from the Braves or Marlins or Padres. Right?

Right? Let's break it down:

The Infield: From a popularity standpoint, Mike Lieberthal was a big loss. It also was a crippling blow to the team's overall Jewishness. But from a baseball standpoint, it was about time to recognize that the Law of Diminishing Returns was taking its toll Lieby (but I wish him the best with the Dodgers, Mazel Tov!). Big props to Pat Gillick for getting Rod Barajas on board to help with my nightmares about the Carlos Ruiz Experiment. I only get the terrors every third night now.

Who's on first? Well, I've heard that this guy is pretty good. Not too much else on him out there, though. Third base should be ably filled by Wes Helms. He's not exactly sneaky good, but he's sneaky above-average, especially when he gets to play.

The tandem of Chase "Face" Utley and Jimmy Rollins up the middle is now up there with Rocky, Pat's/Geno's, and parking your car in the middle turning lane as a South Philadelphia institution. Do not question it. Bask in its glory.

Overall, a defensive improvement mostly by subtraction of Lieby and David Bell (soon to join Mike Morse and Alex Sanchez on the Really? They Did Steroids? And It Was Supposed to Help? All-Stars).

The Outfield: Even if he decides to get rip-roaring drunk in Independence Hall and piss on Ben Franklin's glass armonica, Aaron Rowand will still be loved by Phillies fans until the day he dies. That's what a little hustle will do for you. (Are you listening, Bobby Abreu?) Realistically, the Phillies need him to stay healthy for a full season if possible...or do they? More on that later. Solid glove, decent range in center, and a lifetime 7-hole hitter.

Oh, hey Pat Burrell. You're still here? No, I wasn't trying to sneak out. I was going to leave you a note, I swear. Um, I don't think I have time for breakfast...well, if you insist. I guess I have nothing better to do anyway. All kidding aside, he's outhomering You Know Who this spring, is still producing what you'd expect from the 5-hole (60+ homers, 200+ RBI the past two seasons combined), is not yet a terrible fielder, and called Billy Wagner a "rat" in 2005. I can overlook the disappointing performance in the clutch...for now.

And finally, Shane Victorino, the world's most unlikely ladies' man, gets a chance to play every day. He'll never be the offensive producer that Abreu was, but that's a lot to ask of anybody. Plus, he's hungry and gives the Phils a little more speed on the basepaths--good news for a station-to-station team that still plays like it's in the American League. He's come a long way since I thought that the team could save money by declaring that Victorino, Nick Punto, and Eric Valent were all the same guy and should therefore share one contract.

The Bench: I'm a man. I can admit I was wrong about Chris Coste. He started filling in at catcher and had something like three passed balls his first week. Mercifully, he's found his groove backing up that dude at first and filling in wherever he's needed. But I'm still skeptical. Bottom line, I'd be more comfortable with David Dellucci as the number-one bench guy.

Michael Bourn is a guy that I think is a real dark horse for the Phillies this year. He's been gaining big-league experience the past couple years and he's having a great spring training: batting around .280 with 8 stolen bases in the Grapefruit League, impressive when you consider that he is only getting a couple at-bats per game. Could we finally have an heir to the short-lived Rollins Steal Co.? By the way, if his defense is good enough, this is the guy I could see replacing Rowand once Aaron tries to track a fly ball all the way to Camden.

Greg Dobbs is the big story in Clearwater this spring, absolutely tearing it up after languishing in the Mariners organization. I can see Chris Snelling-type potential, but without all the brittleness. That means a lot of 7th-inning pinch hitting appearances, at best. Enjoy it while it lasts, Dobbsy!

"Everyday" Abraham Nunez probably needs a new nickname now. If Danny Sandoval ever gets his act together, Nuni won't last much longer in red pinstripes.

We only got Jayson Werth because the Dodgers were having a sale on Jasons. He will spell Burrell and maybe Rowand. He is arguably the tallest Phillie. Deal with it.

The Rotation: Wanna know the Phillies' dirty little secret? Cole Hamels is the real ace of this team. Brett Myers still ain't bad either, and I have to give him credit for losing all that weight after he could have stunt-doubled for Charlie Manuel last year.

Didn't Adam Eaton used to be the Phillies' ace of the future? He wasn't bad in San Diego, but pitching in Arlington may have warped his mind. It's not going to get any easier in the Vet II. How much are we paying him again?

Jamie Moyer is old. He's still pitching though. And it's always nice to see him make guys 20 years his junior look foolish swinging at that 65 mph change-up. Durability is the only concern here. It also is the concern for the rest of the rotation. If healthy, Freddy Garcia really improves the Phils' pitching depth, plus he looks like the Rock. Ditto Jon Lieber, except for the part about the Rock (he might also be dangled as trade bait sometime during the season).

All this means from the number two starter down, we could be a mechanical failure or pulled hamstring away from getting to know Zack Segovia and J.A. Happ a lot better. Don't be fooled: a young starting rotation isn't desirable for a team trying to make a championship run. The 2006 Tigers were the exception, not the rule.

This just makes the loss of promising "Canada" Scott Mathieson (Tommy John surgery) for the season sting even more. It also makes the loss of Randy Wolf feel like a swift kick to the balls. If I was Indiana Jones, and Wolf was the Ark of the Covenant, and the Dodgers were the U.S. Government, and Chavez Ravine was a big warehouse, now is the time that I would say, "They don't know what they've got there."

The Bullpen: These are the times that try men's souls. Realistically, it's not that bad, but it is the area of the team most in need of improvement.

We're stuck with Tom Gordon, so the earlier I come to terms with that, the happier I'll be. Antonio Alfonseca is waiting in the wings, though. I'm not sure that makes me feel any better. (And he should stay away from Ugie Urbina, lest he chop off his vestigial sixth finger with a machete.) The 8th and 9th innings should be a roller-coaster once again. It's the Phillies Way!

Geoff Geary is as much of a rock star as a middle reliever can be. Ryan "Mad Dog" Madson can do the long relief thing well enough (and be helped by Lieber/Segovia if all 6 starters are healthy).

Clay Condrey has an interesting first name and not much of a professional profile. He doesn't walk a lot of guys, but gives up a fair share of hits. Matt Smith is the most MLB-ready prize the Phillies got in the Bobby Abreu crane game, but he was a Yankees prospect. Their farm system is as barren as the LAN party room at the Playboy Mansion.

Coaching Staff/Front Office: Oh, Charlie. You were but a pawn in Ed Wade's game to bring Jim Thome to Philadelphia. But Wade was a terrible chess player and now here you are. Your dialect is incomprehensible and the way you stand clutching the dugout fence like a captive zoo animal yearning for its freedom makes me smirk. You make me pine for the days when Harry Kalas could do a play-by-play of Larry Bowa's on-field tirades. You are more Danny Ozark than Dallas Green--and we all know what happened to Ozark.

The fact that Gillick hired coaches like Jimy Williams and Davy Lopes (who is getting my vote of confidence) with prior managerial experience certainly doesn't help Manuel's case. Milt Thompson keeps the fuzzy memory of '93 alive. Rich Dubee seems like a competent guy; I just wish he moonlighted as something cool like "Pirate" Joe Kerrigan.

Pat Gillick is a rare phenomenon in Philadelphia: a well-connected GM that knows his stuff and is willing to make real personnel moves. But if he brings in another guy from Seattle or Toronto, he's on notice.

Best-Case Scenario: 90+ wins and the NL Division title (J-Roll isn't kidding around); I can't speak about the playoffs because whatever happens after the regular season is, as Billy Beane says, "f**king luck."
Worst-Case Scenario: Finishing in last place, behind the Nationals. Atlanta and Florida are good teams with almost as much talent as the Phillies--fourth place is a reality if they aren't careful. But there is no way the Nats should finish ahead of the MVP and Company; that's a guaranteed 70 wins right there.

See, I told you I was optimistic this year. Full MLB preview coming soon.

Good News For Brett Myers

Historically, the Phillies seem to have a affinity for chunky pitchers with overactive sweat glands (see: Kevin Millwood, Curt Schilling, Ricky Bottalico, Jose Mesa, et al). Well, all the equipment guys who've had to collect all their ratty game-worn caps over the years must be writing "Why didn't you think of this sooner?" letters to New Era, who are introducing a new polyester-based moisture-wicking cap this season:

But replacing the traditional wool is a polyester fabric that MLB and New Era say is designed to "wick" away sweat and evaporate it, resist shrinkage and fading and reduce odor and glare.

"Wool isn't a performance fabric. ... This is really the first time we're departing from that. It's purely to make sure we're keeping up with the performance attributes," says John DeWaal, New Era's vice president of global marketing.

Remember, New Era's already on notice for their stupid new batting practice caps on display during spring training. We'll see just how good these caps are when Freddy Garcia gets into his first based-loaded jam.

Really, only Schilling could pull off the ratty look with any panache. You could tell how long he'd pitched by the percentage of pink on his "P." One of those should be in the Hall of Fame if it isn't already.

Baseball Caps To Have New Feel [USA Today]