Phillies Notes: Ryan Howard, Baseball Diva

While scouring YouTube for some more Andrew Bird videos, I learned that Ryan Howard was a guest on David Letterman's show earlier this month. How this slipped by me I'll never know, but for now I'll blame my roomie's preference for watching the depressing, hollow shell of a man that used to be Jay Leno.

Now, in light of everything written about Big Ry this spring, check out this video of Jimmy Rollins and Howard arriving at the show:



I'm sure his phone call was very important. Maybe it was a holla from Jared the Subway Guy.

- Just when I start bitching about lineups, Laid-Back Charlie throws this doozy at me. Rowand leading off? J-Roll in the Bobby Abreu Position? Wes Helms at first?

The inmates are truly running the asylum, because it's hard to tell what anyone's roles are anymore. Carlos Ruiz and Rod Barajas (despite attending the School of Hitting) seem to switch off every day. Whenever Jayson Werth gets playing time, he shows he's just as capable as Pat Burrell, or at least Shane Victorino. And no matter who gets called to pitch the 9th inning, it's always a headache. Your latest victim: Antonio Alfonseca.

- Speaking of losing, there's still plenty of time to enter the official "Baker Bowl Road to 10K" pool. The magic number is now 30 losses and counting. The rules are at the end of this post.

I should also clarify that I really do have the Nomar bobblehead--my fee for temporary Dodger fanhood services rendered, namely booing the shit out of Barry Bonds. Because he's just rude.

Goodtime Charlie's Silent Cure for MVPs

The latest stop on the Charlie Manuel Crazy Train is a series of giggle-inducing nicknames that the tough guy himself has approved.

Also, I take back everything I ever said (or was planning to say) about Manuel being boring in comparison to Larry Bowa. True, Bowa flipping out on reporters was a matter of course, but his schtick wore thin after a while. He never had such a major meltdown after years of relative calm. If Bowa was a regular Old Faithful, Manuel is a full-blown Mount Vesuvius.

And while the Baker Bowl was watching to see what he'd do next, another crisis almost slipped under the radar: Ryan Howard scratched from Thursday's game against the Nationals due to a ligament pull he suffered running the bases. Obviously, this situation is being addressed in the most sensitive way possible by Nice-Guy Charlie:

The postgame limp paled in comparison to the pained look on Ryan Howard's face as the injured first baseman tried to block out the agony.

Howard stood, then dragged his 250 pounds to the small medical area outside the clubhouse. That's where athletic trainer Scott Sheridan placed a wrap on Howard's left leg -- around his knee -- as Howard lay back staring at the ceiling. Just outside the entrance, manager Charlie Manuel held a private vigil.

Asked if he was concerned, Manuel nodded yes.

Hey, when did Norman Mailer start writing for the Phillies website?

Anyway, it seems that Charlie's taking a page from the Scientology playbook and prescribing silence, secrecy, and isolation to reduce the body thetans that are causing Howard's boo-boo. Is this really the cure for what ails the MVP?

Sounds to me like it's more of a cure for what ails Goodtime Charlie.

Of course, the Phillies finally win once Howard's out of the lineup. But realistically, if an injury to Howard means more Greg Dobbs, then we can all feel his pain. Get well soon, big guy.

Howard Hurts Leg Against Nationals [Phillies.com]