Joakim Noah, God of Thunder

Let's be real: like a Florida team returning all the key elements of last year's champions was going to lose to an Ohio State team featuring a relative of Sideshow Bob and a middle-aged Bill Russell.

Greg Oden really seems to be attracting a lot of ambivalence lately. My pal Slo-Mo, doing his best Napoleon Dynamite impression, remarked: "When I think about him, I think of the Norse god. Not basketball." Whatever that means, it's not entirely good.

He will, however, feature prominently in this year's schmaltzy "One Shining Moment" montage. For those who don't particularly like CBS's unique form of audio-visual torture, I offer an infinitely better montage from the legendary intramural leagues of Syracuse University.



Because, quite frankly, I'd rather see a chubby kid getting mercilessly stuffed in the paint than another Aaron Brooks jumper.

I Want To See You Pass Four Times Before You Take A Shot

It's rare that I find the time to watch an NBA game, so I was glad the Cleveland Cavaliers' 112-108 overtime win over the Chicago Bulls yesterday did not disappoint.

Ben Gordon dropped 37 trying to outduel LeBron, almost obscuring some heinous shot selection and execution late in the game. He missed a game-winner at the end of regulation (and lost the ball after Kirk Heinrich got the rebound and gave him the dish) and another one--this time a 3-pointer--with one second left in overtime.

Clearly, Gordon is the Bulls' main scoring threat. He just happens to be shitting the bed in the clutch this season--a lot: Atlanta, Phoenix, Golden State, Toronto, Detroit, and now Cleveland. ESPN even ran a little montage of all his last-second misses during one of the fourth-quarter timeouts, making it clear that, oh, I don't know...somebody else should take the last damn shot.

It's not like the Bulls don't have any other scorers. Tyrus Thomas can get it done inside, and Heinrich stirs up the echoes of Steve Kerr every time he steps on the floor. Assigning one player to cover all these end-of-game situations only works with a rare talent. Gordon is good--without him, Chicago didn't have a chance to win--but he's not great yet. Don't name a leader just for the sake of naming one; team play clearly suffers when everyone else is the Second Banana.

The Ohio State-Georgetown game later that day proved this point yet again. Greg Oden gets in early foul trouble. No problem: Michael Conley is there to pick up the slack. Meanwhile, the most dynamic Hoya, Jeff Green, is only allowed to watch when Roy Hibbert lumbers into the game to take the most puzzling 16-foot jumper I've ever seen.

Coaches, please take note: basketball is a team sport. Not everyone is a Kobe or a Gilbert Arenas. I do not approve of any assumption otherwise.